Alright, MAFS Home Stays cont.
As much as I’m over Harrison and Bronte‘s bullshit, I’m excited to see Bronte’s sister, Kirra, again. Excited or terrified. I’m not sure which.
Evelyn and Rupert are still in post-sex and sausage-dog bliss. This is a weirdly timed screenshot but otherwise heaven:
Melinda wants to see less control from Layton in Brisbane — a place I now think I should consider living in after seeing her apartment.
She throws Layton onto the bed to have her way with him because if they’re going to argue this much, they may as well channel it into great sex.
Bronte’s gone full glam for Perth? I’ve never seen her look like this before. And she looks fab, not gonna lie, but I’m already worried for those bed sheets.
Harrison is pulling away likely so he can zip over to Kuta for a couple of days now that he’s already put in several hours of flight time. He’s telling Bronte that he needs a partner who doesn’t need to go home to reconnect with themselves and their support system.
She says she would move to Sydney (even after he made that comment).
Let’s be honest, she’s moving because there are more PR showrooms in Sydney for her to lap up post-show.
Harrison would like “consistency” which does not involve Bronte going home to Perth? Look at him literally scrambling for a reason to end this relationship?
It’s Kirra time and she clarifies she is not her to fuck spiders. If you tilt your head a certain way, it sounds like she said she’s only here to fuck Harrison up.
She thinks that Bronte is very quiet which is a really shit thing to notice about a family member or friend when they’re normally vibrant.
Harrison reckons he never got any reassurance from Bronte that she planned on moving to Sydney, which is interesting considering she’s said it almost as many times as she’s said, “I’m done”.
Kirra would like to know what reassurance Harrison needs on top of Bronte literally spelling it out for him. He’s getting into semantics and saying that Bronte said she would move for love, not to Sydney for him.
Kirra thinks Harrison is a narcissist. It’s actually amazing how articulate and put together she is with all these cameras and dumb conversations around her.
She just called her brother-in-law Harry? Actually, while we’re on the topic, if you’re wondering why “Harrison” is now “Harrison”, it because I can’t be assed with nicknames any longer than nine letters at this point in the MAFS experiment. I’m tired!
Now, both the Schofield sisters are teaming up on him. I mean, cool that Bronte’s speaking up, but you’ve got to wonder if she’s only doing it when it serves her narrative. It’s quite the flip.
Harrison’s outtie and Kirra thinks he is a coward who should be taken out with the trash.
“This is why I wanted him to come here,” Bronte tells Kirra. Uh, for what? To remind your sister what he’s like? She’s met him twice before, shnookums.
Bronte thinks that Harrison didn’t want to come to Perth because he didn’t want to deal with her family. I mean, sure. But my guess is that he came for the sunsets.
Tahnee and Ollie! Normalcy! Couple goals. Um, let’s address what the narrator just said:
“And for Perth-based Ollie, he’s about to get his first look into the exclusive Sydney property market.”
He calls it “snug” and “cosy” which are thinly-veiled insults coming from a man who has no idea what it takes both mentally, physically and financially to live in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs.
She’s probably paying $800 per week for this shoe box while consistently dodging fuckboys at Ravesis.
Ollie is worried about doing a shit she’ll be able to hear in the small confines of her Bondi studio apartment. She’s not worried because girls don’t do poos, obviously.
She’s taking him to a picnic by the beach to try and justify her ridiculous rental price. He thinks if he gets a spray tan and whitens his teeth he’ll fit into Bondi. But who’s going to be the one to tell him he’ll also need a STAX collection and some brutal ghosting kills as well? Or so I hear.
Now we’re off to meet Evelyn’s mum, Evon. Rupert is struggling with the heat of this meal and they haven’t even started addressing the tough topics.
He says needs to be in love or falling in love to commit and unless Evelyn feels these things, I don’t want to see this face from her:
“It hasn’t even crossed my mind on whether or not I would move down to Sydney,” he says and wow, the lack of self-awareness on this man. She tells him she wouldn’t move to Brisbane for him to make an example of his hurtful comments.
Meanwhile, in Darwin, there’s still no pashing but heaps of tension. Lyndall is feeling a bit flat after realising her relationship with Cam is going down the shitter. But not all is bad: she has great taste in T-shirts.
“I just want Cam to hug me,” Lyndall cries. She wants him to be scared of losing her and for him to be telling her that he cares. All pretty fair desires, and it’s not like he’s not aware of them. She’s made it known by this point.
Melinda and Layton are fighting again. What about this time? A cupboard door.
She gets bad hayfever (same) and because her clothes have collected dust, she needs the cupboard door to remain closed.
But Layton did not close the door because he likely has assistants for that.
He thinks she was attacking him over it. She does not see it this way because this couple rarely see things the same way.
She is sad that they are not kayaking instead of arguing about a dusty cupboard. She chooses to “kindly exit” instead.
Ollie thinks Bondi is a bit “how ya goin” and boy, you don’t even know. This is likely why they’ve fucked off to this patch of grass for a teepee date, where they’re reminiscing about Tahnee’s wedding day “titties”.
He wants to be around her all the time and this is very cute now that the convo is titless. “I love all the moments,” he tells her and is this the intro to the L word?
He gives her a picture of himself from what appears to be Year 12 Photo Day. I think. “You look like an actual 18-year-old,” she tells him.
He thinks it’s going to be “mad sad” saying goodbye to his wife before final vows. I think it’s going to be “mad sad” when these two aren’t on my television anymore.
Oh great, we’re back in Darwin where no one gets any action. Cam’s taking Lyndall to watch the sunset which could very well be the nicest thing he’s ever done.
They try and find something to talk about and fail miserably.
She asks him if he’s ready for a relationship. We all know he’s not but let’s hear his answer anyway. Uh oh, she’s doubled down and is asking how he feels about her.
“I don’t think I’m good enough for you,” he says. “I don’t think I’m at the level that you want me to be for you to be in a relationship with someone.”
He says he doesn’t know how to give reassurance when he’s as “dry as a stick”.
She’s scared about the idea of him not being in her life for some reason. “It’s been rough but it’s been so good,” she tells him. Sounds like an advertisement for a 4WD rental service in Fraser Island, not love.
Melinda and Layton are having a picnic but heavens, the tension.
He tells her that she can get “quite emotional” (and lucky she does because otherwise there’d be a whole lot of NOTHING in this union).
She wants to be seen as “strong” not “angry”, “caring” not “emotional”. Feels. I fuck with Melinda. She’s a feminist and also, she’s really just wanting him to see the good in her.
They’re fighting about how they express emotions (or don’t). Layton says he struggles to tell even his dad that he loves him. “It’s an issue I’ve got work through,” he says.
They’re storming off now and I think I’ve missed something.
They’re addressing the harsh reality that they keep running into the same issues even though they really like each other. Even though there’s so much potential. And fuck me, there really is.
“I don’t know how this works on the outside world,” he tells her.
“It’s like in life when you want something badly, you’ll do anything you can for it,” Melinda cries to producers.
“But sometimes no matter how hard you try for something, if it’s not meant to be it’s just never going to be.”
“I feel like we both want a relationship to work together. But I think we’re both intelligent enough to know that it may not ever work,” she cries to Layton. This actually makes me hella sad. It’s so horrible to want something even though it doesn’t serve you anymore.
He throws his back out coming over to her for a hug.
Is this the end for our power couple?
OK there’s one more dinner party (Layton and Mel are in attendance for it) and it actually looks lit. I’ll see you there.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer and host of We’ve Done The MAFS podcast. Follow her on Instagram or TikTok.
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