We’re back for another night of mediocre couple retreating. Joy!
Melinda and Evelyn decide eavesdropping is a good idea and overhear Bunnings Daddy (Harrison). He’s telling Layton how fake his relationship with Melinda is, which is rich coming from a man who has a new personality every week.
Layton tells Bunnings Daddy he’s wrong and won’t let him disrespect him and Melinda like that. Rupert, Ollie and some other unidentified voice agree that Layton and Melinda are a great couple. Great! Great right?
Nope. Melinda tells the girls what she’s been up to and what Bunnings Daddy said.
Melinda asks Bronte if she agrees with her husband’s accusations about her relationship with Layton.
Bronte is getting defensive and nup, she’s “done” like Audrina Partridge was “done “with Justin Bobby the 17th time.
Bronte tells her apparently-perfect husband that Melinda and Evelyn eavesdropped on the boys’ conversation. He warns that he “won’t let her get away with that” before going back to the fire pit (is this Love Island?) and telling Layton.
Obviously, Layton’s pissed off at Melinda. I would be too. Everyone would be pissed off. There’s no winning here for Melinda. It’s like reading someone’s diary — whatever it said, no matter how awful, means shit all if you invaded someone’s privacy to find it out.
Layton addresses Melinda straight away and she’s confused that he’s angry about the eavesdropping. How is this not clear? This fight that they’re having makes no sense.
It’s the next morning and Melinda’s concerned that he didn’t caress her leg. She’s sad because both she and her leg need the support right now.
Bunnings Daddy thinks last night’s eavesdropping is an invitation to criticise Melinda and Layton’s relationship. He tells Bronte that Layton said his relationship with Melinda wasn’t good. Look, I just heard Layton disagreeing with that exact fact, but this is Bunnings Daddy we’re talking about.
In other news, Tassie Devil Tayla feels left out because everyone has a partner to hang out with. She also has one of these but she chooses not to talk to hers.
Lyndall thinks she’s 100 per cent into Cam and only since the moment she met him, let’s be honest.
Prince Eric (Duncan) and Alyssa are spending time apart after she got hell weird last night and look, I’d be spending every second with that man if it was an option.
Bronte wants to chat to Melinda, only further proving why friends don’t tell friends if they’re in a shit relationship. It’s always the messenger’s fault and there’s no winning while someone’s actually in the relationship.
Bronte pulls the whole “well my husband said that your husband said” card like a child. Melinda then tells Layton this, who vehemently denies it because well, he’s telling the truth.
Somehow Melinda and Layton are now fighting. I missed what got them there because these two escalate very quickly.
Claire is doing some kind of tarot thing with the boys and Lyndall.
Hugoat gets one about “moving forward fearlessly” and all the boys are stoked because this means he will stand up to his Tassie Devil.
It’s the last night of the MAFS Couples retreat and Ollie thinks Tahnee looks like a beautiful pink curtain.
Layton tells Melinda that he’ll confront Bronte and Bunnings Daddy and at last, these two can stop having hate sex and resume having regular sex.
Hugo asks Tayla bout the ex sexting in front of quite a few people. Interesting. Why does he always look like a lost puppy dog?
Cam’s very invested in comforting Tayla isn’t he? I’m not surprised. Producers are really setting something up here.
Tayla thinks Hugoat’s putting on a “sad act” again but nah, I think he’s genuinely sad hey. Tayla asks Evelyn what she wants to say because she has that face on that looks like she has something to say.
“Tayla, don’t come at me right now, OK?” Evelyn bites.
Bless this queen.
Tayla tells her to “fuck off”.
No one fucks with our queen.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were so sensitive about swear words, Evelyn,” Tayla says, condescendingly. “I didn’t know you didn’t swear.”
Evelyn tells her to grow up.
Can we get this back in slo-mo, please?
Well, well, well what do we have here?
Tayla’s over it and wants to leave tomorrow. I wonder if Cam will fit in her suitcase.
Did she call Hugoat a fuck or a cunt?
Meanwhile, Melinda and Layton have confronted Bronte and Bunnings Daddy for lying about Layton’s comments on their relationship.
“Did you not say that things aren’t okay?” Bronte asks Bunnings Daddy. He has conveniently forgot whether or not he said that.
Now it’s Bronte’s fault. So she starts covering for her husband in the saddest damage control I ever did see.
Melinda thinks she’s being manipulated and gaslit. She would be right.
Bronte asks everyone if they think her relationship with Bunnings Daddy is fake. Oooft, honey, I hope you’re ready for a rude awakening.
“Um yeah a little bit” Claire says.
Bronte and Bunnings Daddy fuck off like god intended.
Um, what a shit episode? Last year’s retreat set the bar very, very high and I’m sorry, but that was not it.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer and host of We’ve Done The MAFS podcast. Follow her on Instagram or TikTok.
Stupidly obsessed with MAFS? Hey, no judgement here. Why not follow our brand new podcast We’ve Done The MAFS HERE and for a weekly dump of MAFS news to your inbox, sign up to our newsletter HERE.
