Tonight I start with this tweet.
I’m confused why I find Rhino sexy #MaskedSingerAU
— Lauren (@nosfurrratu) October 1, 2019
Lauren perfectly encapsulates my feelings upon entering this episode – there was something about rhino that really got me hot under the collar.
“You KNOW Rhino hasn’t been skipping any F45 classes,” I wrote when I ranked the masked singers by how horny they made me. “Rhino radiates fuccboi-ness from head to toe, and I’m down. Rhino could smash my face in and I’d still say thank you.”
Even ye ol’ Osh made reference to Rhino’s big dick energy. I mean, he’s only human – look at the beast.
Not gonna lie, this one hurt the ol’ knuckle bones. Rhino is a RIG. #MaskedSingerAU pic.twitter.com/GYnIFNZvLE
— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) October 1, 2019
However, my horny bubble well and truly burst the second Flo Rida’s “Low” started playing. That only thing low was my subsequent libido.
The performance can only be described as the biggest boner killer of 2019. Rhino could no longer smash my face in – I’d no longer say thank you.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely a place for “Low” in my heart, but that place is a middle school disco with sweaty year 7s and Lynx Africa permeating the air.
My queen LiLo fucking frothed it, though. She was up on her feet, instantly transported back to a time in Mykonos when her cares were non-existent and she didn’t have to pretend to know Australian people.
“Club vibe,” she noted, after the performance, “really good energy.”
Lindsay during Rhino’s performance #MaskedSingerAU pic.twitter.com/uys9txWkpe
— GRACE (@GraceGarde) October 1, 2019
To be honest though, y’all Nancy Drews of the web already knew it was Wendell Sailor.
Ok so here’s where we’re at –
Spider @BonnieAnderson_ Monster @GorgiCoghlan Rhino #wendallsailor Unicorn @DeniHines1 @maskedsinger_au #MaskedSingerAU— Justin Hill – Entertainment Reporter (@Jus_Hill) October 1, 2019
https://twitter.com/reneeburgess09/status/1178975637484081152
https://twitter.com/DogOnACouch/status/1178974520230608896
His speech at the end about knowing he wasn’t very good but giving it a red hot crack absolutely redeemed himself. Lindsay was also team Sailor, so I mean, who’s the real winner of the season now?
As for the whole rhino-making-me-really-horny fantasy? It’s absolutely been stoned to death.
Of course, I couldn’t finish another round-up without mentioning my queen Lindsay’s awe-inspiring guessing abilities.
Lindsay Lohan – Is that Beethoven? Oh a Dragon, maybe Khaleesi, or Jon Snow because he actually is a Dragon… #MaskedSingerAU
— 🌟Kristie Muses🌟 (@musemusemadamk) October 1, 2019
Thanks for listening to me as I talked about my wavering sex drive – this is a lot my therapeutic than my usual therapy sessions.
As always, stream #XANAX on IGTV. It slaps.
