Finally, tonight’s episode of The Bachelor Australia delivered big time on the drama front. The hits just kept coming — if fact, there were three major ~moments~ in tonight’s ep that really had me screaming internally.

I’m Josie, Head of Editorial here at PEDESTRIAN.TV and your recap custodian. Join me for a look back at tonight’s wild episode, plus a healthy dose of speculation. Let’s get stuck in!

At the Bachelor Australia mansion, the girls are all dressed up with nowhere to go (yet), as they sit and wonder aloud about what the day holds. On cue, our hero / the Bachelor himself Jimmy Nicholson comes roaring in on a motorbike, causing many of the girls to dislocate their jaws completely.

The Bachelor Australia
hlp, cll n ambulnce

Jimmy explains that he’s been building Tiffany, the name he has given his bike for some unknown reason, for years and today this is the first time he’s been able to ride it /her. The good news is, one lucky lady will be joining Jimmy and Tiffany for this metaphorical menage à trois.

The bad news is, his sister Tahnee and cousin Lisa have arrived by ominous black MG car to interrogate all the other girls. You can tell everyone is quietly hoping they can ride off into the distance and avoid the family grilling, and it’s Lily who gets the leave pass.

hahaha so long suckers

I always enjoy the family grilling dates so much, because the relos are always fairly brutal and there’s always at least once chick who throws everyone else under the bus and makes herself look like a giant bitch in the process.

But before we can see that, we head to Bilgola Beach with Jimmy, Tiffany and Lily in jeans and leather jackets and Jimmy tells Lily he’s going to force her to surf today.

The Bachelor Australia
normal Aussie beach attire

Honestly, is this The Bachelor Australia or the X Games? Every episode features action-packed dates which normal people do not do. We get it! Jimmy is into outdoorsy activities! But have his real-life girlfriends ever been subjected to this adrenaline junkie BS? I’d really like to know.

fuck this shit

Props to Lily here, who manages to stay up on the board to impress Jimmy, then after five minutes ditches the surfboard for a bit of aquatic frolicking (while some creepy lifeguard looks on).

Sitting on the beach after the frolic is done, Jimmy tells Lily about his family, focussing mainly on his Nan who sounded like an absolute gun going swimming at Newport Beach every day. It all takes a bit of a dark turn when Jimmy then drops in that she had three heart attacks on that very beach.

The Bachelor Australia
wait, like… in the same SPOT?

Back at the Bachelor Australia mansion, and Tahnee and Lisa are meeting the girls. Osher pops out of the bushes to announce that everyone is able to put questions in a “honesty box”, MAFS style.

The Bachelor Australia
living in the hedge is more comfortable than the wall cavity

Steph immediately hatches a plan to put in a lot of questions for Holly, therefore sabotaging her chances of impressing the relatives and getting Jimmy to vote her out. I understand that The Bachelor Australia hinges on drama, and we all love and need that. But Steph is really bringing like a level 15 of evil when all we need is a soft, bitchy level eight.

and then I’ll BURN THE MANSION DOWN

Back on the date, Jimmy and Lily cosy up by a fire for more smooching and deep and meaningful convos. Jimmy says he feels very relaxed with Lily, and while Lily is the youngest in the mansion, he feels that she’s the most mature.

The Bachelor Australia
can I check your ID real quick hAhahA

Enough of the cuteness though — take us back to the Bachelor Australia mansion so we can enjoy the chaotic honesty box portion of the evening! Though Steph keeps implying that the box will unearth Holly’s dirty secrets, the first few questions are aimed squarely at Steph. First cab off the rank is whether she’s ever cheated. She says she hasn’t but she’s been on the receiving end. Those pilots, remember!

Next is whether she (as a WA lady) would move for Jimmy. Next is: did her cheating pilot ex change her opinion of Jimmy. She says she’s sick of talking about pilots, and given that she’s brought it up herself approximately 65,000 times since the premiere episode, this is a bit rich.

a sip for every time Steph says “pilot”

A question from Jimmy’s relos is: “do people change in front of Jimmy / the camera?” Steph, evidently sick of being the only villain, makes Tatum call out Holly for being different behind closed doors. And here we reach Wild Moment #1!

Tatum says Holly talks over her, and also claims that Holly hasn’t been that nice behind closed doors, but then when Jimmy is around she wants to be the centre of attention. Tatum then asks the classic Bachelor Australia question: if Holly is even there for the right reasons.

Carlie immediately steps in to stand up for Holly, followed by contestant (not sister) Tahnee who says Holly is kind and warm. Then Brooke somewhat reluctantly chimes in to say she agrees. Carlie then says “Why is this even coming up now?” to which Tatum replies “well, it was a question put in the box for us to answer”. Score one for Tatum here, tbh.

Holly finally says: “I haven’t had a conversation with you in the house. Ive never spoken to you, I don’t know you”. I don’t feel like this supports her “kind and warm” argument — if she was, wouldn’t she have spoken to this person she’s been living with for several weeks? Holly then asks if they can move on because Tatum has made her point.

The Bachelor Australia
umm how can you think I’m avoiding you when I literally don’t come near you hun

Steph then pipes up, daring to bring up the “c-word” incident of a previous episode, saying Holly was happy to put her “on blast” in front of everyone but then can’t hack it herself. Holly then says “well, calling someone the c-word on national TV is a bit of a different thing”. Jimmy’s fam doesn’t know where to look.

ok new drinking game word is ‘cunt’

Holly gets up and leaves the dinner table in tears, and a producer checks on her. Tatum then asks the dinner table if anyone thinks she was out of line. Jimmy’s sister Tahnee, who is a psychologist, invokes the wisdom of one Justin Bobby to say sagely: “You need to speak your truth, whether it’s the truth or not”.

Image

I’m not even sure how I feel here, because Holly keeps repeating that she’s never spoken to Tatum in her life which in itself seems… standoffish, which is the very thing Holly is saying she’s isn’t.

Jimmy’s sister Tahnee then starts taking the girls off for one-on-one time. She picks Jay as being someone who could be a good match for Jimmy. Tahnee also says she immediately clocked Holly as Jimmy’s type, but she is a bit concerned over Tatum’s accusations, so takes Holly aside.

Holly explains that she sticks to the people she knows, and that it’s the people she doesn’t know who are saying she’s standoffish. “I don’t go out of my way to talk to people I don’t know,” she says, which to me is perhaps the Oxford Dictionary’s definition of standoffish? Tahnee diplomatically explains that maybe that’s why those people feel excluded by Holly. THANK YOU, TAHNEE.

The Bachelor Australia
ok can you stop coming at me with facts pls

Holly says: “I can only learn and grow by being told those things” which is… what Tatum did? Sure, she did it in front of Jimmy’s sister and cousin, which is a bit brutal, but still.

Tahnee, who I’m obsessed with, points out: “Well, you also have to create the space”. Tahnee explains that she’s also an extrovert and it’s been a learning for her to create the space for people to share their feelings. Doc, sign me up. I want my head shrunk by you.

Tahnee does say she feels that Jimmy and Holly are compatible, but she thinks they would have to work on how they deal with conflict. She says to the camera in a spiel that I want tattooed on my forehead: “This exchange tells me quite a bit about Holly — the positive thing is I think she is definitely here for Jimmy but in a partner you want someone who’s gonna make people around you feel loved, as well, not just the people that they want to like them.” Wow. Just wow.

Meanwhile, Lisa tackles the Steph situation. When asked about her past, Steph explains that Cheating Pilot and Pilot Jimmy are different people. She swiftly the subject and decides to start pointing out the frontrunners and what their shortcomings are. Brooke is co-dependent! Jay doesn’t want to have kids! Lisa is thrown by it all.

The Bachelor Australia
I’d like to go home now

When Jimmy returns, he goes off with the fam to discuss their findings. I absolutely love how how seriously these women took their job of fact-finding, and how honest they all are about it. Jimmy asks who they will remember tomorrow. Tahnee says: “Brooke and Jay were frontrunners”, and explains she went on a rollercoaster with Holly. She says started out at frontrunner, but upon getting to know her Tahnee thinks Jimmy and Holly are too similar. They say don’t dismiss her, but keep an eye on her.

Lisa says she wants to talk about Steph with Tahnee saying she seemed a bit checked out and didn’t seem to make much of an effort. Jimmy says that Steph confuses him and that he feels like he’s misread her a bit, even though the date went well. Then Lisa tells him what she says about Jay not wanting a baby, which confuses him further because Jay definitely mentioned it on their date.

And then, in a cheeky little side note that didn’t even seem like it was meant for our ears and is therefore Wild Moment #2, Jimmy straight up reveals that Brooke is his favourite, and the frontrunner. When does this ever happen??? Usually the man plays cagey until the bitter end (and beyond, in the Honey Badger‘s case). Why don’t we just call it a day and call Brooke the winner? I’m so spun out by this revelation, but the show doesn’t dwell on it.

Instead, Jimmy asks Steph to come to the Bachelor Australia “Bach Pad” for a conversation. This conversation is brought to us by MG and Starbucks.

The Bachelor Australia
this awkward conversation is made possible by Starbucks

Jimmy tells us to find out whether she’s on the Bachelor Australia for him and call her out a little bit. He says Steph tells him what he wants to hear instead of the truth, and admits he could have challenged it a bit more. But we don’t get to see the convo because we go… straight to the cocktail party! WHAT? Seriously, this episode gave me actual whiplash thanks to its chaos editing. And honestly, I’m not mad about it.

Holly says she feels anxious about the cocktail party, and Sierah counters that by saying she feels fine because she looks hot. Where’s the lie?

The Bachelor Australia
gonna leave and date myself for a bit

No one knows whether Steph is coming back or not. Brooke wagers she’s not coming back. Jay’s call is “she’ll either come back with a rose or not come back at all”. Sierah reminds everyone that this is her sexiest look yet, so she’s not bothered by this Steph situation. Everyone can’t help but agree.

Holly decides to tell everyone how she feels about Steph, explaining she never wanted to align herself with Steph because she didn’t like what was coming out of her mouth. She says she doesn’t think Steph is here for the right reasons and personally doesn’t even think she wants Steph to come back. On cue, there’s Steph!

The Bachelor Australia
surprise, bitches

Seriously, the EDITING TONIGHT. Give these people a Logie.

Looks like Jay’s prediction that Steph would either come back with a rose or be sent home was way off, because she is back without a rose. Steph is being pretty cagey about her time with Jimmy, saying they straightened out a few things but when questioned specifically, she dodges the questions — even telling Sierah she looks amazing to throw her off the trail.

Jimmy appears, saying there is someone he wants to chat to first, and Holly hides behind a pillow.

The Bachelor Australia
no this is my friend, Cushion

He manages to see through this clever disguise, and whisks her off for a chat to clear the air. The others skulk after them to eavesdrop. In fact, none of the other groups are talking as they attempt to hear what Jimmy and Holly are saying.

The Bachelor Australia
subtle

Holly admits to him that maybe she is standoffish and its something she needs to work on. Jimmy likes that she was honest and kind of owned that she is maybe a little cold with the other girls, because she could have been defensive instead. Holly believes that maybe their connection is a little bit fractured now.

In another area of the Bachelor Australia mansion’s lovely yard, Tatum says she’s struggling because she wants to talk to Jimmy. Sierah informs her that Tahnee told her there was a queue, adding that Tahnee can “eat an entire bag of dicks”. Again, where is the lie.

Tatum looks really stressed, saying she really wants to talk to Jimmy and decides to fuck Tahnee’s phantom queue right off. She marches up and takes Jimmy aside to get something off her chest.

She says she’s been here long enough to know how she feels, and tells Jimmy she’d like to go home. Tatum says she wouldn’t be true to herself if she stayed any longer, saying Jimmy is amazing, and has really amazing women here. Jimmy says he was blindsided and feels disappointed because Tatum is an amazing girl. How man times can we say “amazing” in one episode, guys?

it’s you, it’s me not liking you at all ever

Tatum says the environment just isn’t her jam. Jimmy tells her he appreciates her honesty and says he will walk her out, nut he says says to the camera that he didn’t want her to go because there could have been something there.

And here we have Wild Moment #3. Turns out Tatum’s actual mates are blindsided too and had no idea she was about to leave The Bachelor Australia. All the girls see her walk off and are v. confused, totally convinced she’s coming back until the penny finally drops.

hmm her car driving off means she’s just going around the block, right

Laura tries to chase her, in tears. Lily is stunned and asks the producers if they knew but they said they didn’t either. Petition to put Tatum on Australian Survivor for pulling off the biggest blindside in Bachie history. The Golden God himself would be impressed.

Even though Tatum took off and left The Bachelor Australia, there’s still a rose ceremony. Everyone’s feeling rattled by tonight — it’s been a dramatic few hours and our Stressed Voiceover comes courtesy of Holly who believes she’s not in the clear with Jimmy at the moment, and it’s all because of Steph’s evil plot to overthrow her.

and then I’ll BURN OSHER hahAHhaha

Osher pops in and does the Sad Maths, explaining that one lady will be going home. He doesn’t mention Tatum at all which seems odd, he usually explains in his “your aunt just died” voice what has gone down. But nada.

Brooke, who Jimmy has openly admitted is his number one, gets the first rose. Then we get Tahnee, Rebekah, Laura and Jay in quick succession. Steph’s Sassy Voiceover points out that Holly needs to go home because she’s full of shit.

Sierah’s choice of outfit pays off, and she cops a rose.

The Bachelor Australia
backing my choice to go commando, tbh

The producers in Jimmy’s ear telling him to leave Steph and Holly til last are geniuses. I sat there with a rock in my stomach wondering what on earth was gonna happen. When Holly gets the second-last rose even Steph is shocked, saying “I am going home”.

But she gets the final rose, leaving Stevie with nothing.

There you have it folks: an absolutely huge episode of The Bachelor Australia. To recap the recap, we had 1. a dinner party fight reminiscent of MAFS minus the thrown Sauvignon Blanc 2. Jimmy maybe telling us who wins and 3. a shock walkout no one saw coming. Hold onto your knickers for tomorrow’s ep and join me for more recap madness.