We Need To Talk About The Heinously Assembled Cheese Plate In Last Night’s ‘MAFS’

One thing we can all agree on is that this year’s season of Married At First Sight (MAFS) has been fifty ways fucking fucked ’til Friday.

[jwplayer CSE6U6FK]

Everything from the cooked contestants to the offensive language to the toxic behaviour the ‘brides’ and ‘grooms’ have exhibited towards one another; but perhaps the biggest outrage from last night’s episode is from an unlikely but sacred source: the cheese platter.

To make up for the fact that he’d been airing the intimate details of his sex life with bride Jessica Power to his fellow grooms, Mick Gould assembled a pool-side cheese platter, hoping to patch things up over a cracker and a breadstick or two.

Only how did he expect Jess (or the audience, for that matter) to be in a forgiving mood with this unsightly mess staring her right in the face:

*screams into the void*

The bloke’s attempt at seeming sincere really landed with a thud, unfortunately. I mean, nothing says ‘the producers are making me apologise’ like cold cuts still wrapped in plastic and cheese served on paper plates.

The internet was quick to drag Mick through the gutter over his shitty attempt at an apology, complete with shonky ingredients served on a hotel towel.





But while we, the general public, may be outraged by this insult to cheese-lovers everywhere, apparently a pool-side plasticfest is the way to Jess’ heart ‘coz it appeared to go down well with her.

“Mick has set up a gorgeous platter for me with wine, which is one of my favourite things in the whole world. It was really beautiful,” she said.

jess pretending to enjoy the shitty set-up that had no doubt been festering in the sun for hours

MAFS’ war on cheese didn’t end there: let’s take a moment to mill over the garbage fire convo between Ines Basic and Sam Ball.

The despised contestants fuelled the rumour that they had been stitched up against their will by dedicating an unnatural amount of time on a discussion about their shared love of cheese, proving that they have nothing in common other than a penchant for dairy products.


Thanks Married At First Sight. THANKS for ruining cheese.

how i, a former cheese-lover, now feel about cheese