Final MAFS dinner party! Everyone as exhausted as I am?
Everyone’s having a good old chinwag about what a lemon Baby Seal was at Da Boiz night. Selina wants to apologise to Princess Bogan for the gross OnlyFans drama.
I feel like something was brought up about the photo at Da Galz night that we did not see. Anyway, Selina has arrived at Princess Bogan’s door, apologises and gives her a gift that is Vegemite and/or chocolate related.
Brent and Ballarat Paris‘ name plaque is still sitting on the floor outside the door. How has a passer-by not listed it on eBay yet?
Ballarat Paris is asking Brent if they can arrive at the last dinner party together because even though they despise each other, they’re adults. Lol. This has very “Can I just post on more Insta pic of us before we officially break up energy”. She really is all for show.
@badgalella and Baby Seal are getting ready and he’s tending to his skincare routine. She thinks he’s going to walk out of this experiment looking even younger so I can’t wait to see any and all footage from his 12th birthday party.
Olivia still exists. “I reckon Dom’s still going to be carrying on about the photo rubbish,” she tells Jackson. I still don’t see the problem with sharing photos that are on the internet, that she’s put out. Sorry, but what is that, it’s bullshit.”
Olivia will be “disappointed” in herself if she apologises because it will be “fake as fuck”. She is as sick of the “photo thing” as I am of her and that little pursed pout she seems to think is effective.
Who’s the stylist for tonight’s MAFS dinner party because we have two red dresses and two lilacs and given the number of women left to clothe, this should not be an issue my eyes have to be confused by.
Dinner is being served and @badgalella declares no drama, please, and suggests people open up – which is so clearly directed at her closed fake husband.
Princess Bogan agrees and uses the opportunity to tell the table that Selina came over and apologised to her, and how much she appreciated that gesture.
Ballarat Paris asks Selina why she did that, clearly not comprehending acts of human decency and remorse. Oh, Ballarat Paris. As Ronan Keating once said: you say it best when you say nothing at all
Ballarat Paris tells the camera, “It’s the same old shit. Domenica just won’t shut the fuck up with like her own shit that nobody cares about. I’m just bored of it.”
Selina says she wants NO RAGRATS and opens the floor up for people to follow suit. Crickets. Cody jumps in to also apologise. Good boy. Now siiiit. Staaaaay.
Olivia asks Princess Bogan to “wrap it up” because she is a walking, talking turd who proves such things by wearing poo-brown dresses ironically. She’s gone to Ballarat Paris’ side of the table to bitch about Princess Bogan. But she’s too focussed on Jackson’s meat clackers. She wants to go home and do this:
She forgets about his nuts for a second to hear Ballarat Paris laugh about how she would never create an OnlyFans account.
Princess Bogan tells the mean girls she can hear them because she has ears on her head that work. Olivia tells Princess Bogan to leave her out of the conversation that she very much encouraged to happen.
Brent dare asks what happens at Galz Night. @badgalella says Selin was acting buckwild. Olivia adds that Selin told Ballarat Paris that she yells at Brent and leads him on, which feels contradictory but is also entirely true.
@badgalella mentions that Ballarat Paris was speaking about Brent in “not positive ways” throughout the night. Olivia disagrees and says Ballarat Paris simply described the date they went on, which is a wild recollection considering she was there in the flesh.
“You pretty much shat on him for 20 minutes,” Princess Bogan confirms.
“Why would I sit there and shit on Brent?” Ballarat Paris asks while knowing full well that she does these things because she thinks she’s better than anyone else in her orbit.
“She was talking about Brent does for a job,” she adds, pretty much quoting what was said, word for word, about him waiting tables.
Brent’s arced up and tells Ballarat Paris that the others respect him more than she does because they actually know what he does for a living. Because they cared to learn and absorb that information.
Then he tells her she treats him like… a fuckhead? A fucking pet? I’m not sure, I didn’t quite catch it but she does not treat him well. We all know that. He storms off and throws his sham-wedding ring at her. Surprisingly good aim tbh.
“She’s rude, she’s fucking nasty, she shits on me every fucking chance, she does,” Brent tells Nice Guy, who has followed him out. “She shits on everyone. You know why? Because she’s self-obsessed and she’s entitled, and that’s the person she is,” Brent adds.
Ballarat Paris has been caught out and is not loving it. “I’m just so sick of Domenica poking into other people’s business AKA mine,” she tells the camera, hypocritically.
Back at the table, Olivia isn’t done. She’s never done. “Well done, Dom. Deadset” she says. Selina jumps in and politely says that Brent leaving wasn’t Dom’s fault.
“You’re the most awful person,” Olivia tells Princess Bogan.
THAT’S FUCKING RICH BUT ANYWAY.
Princess Bogan is defending herself, while Olivia proceeds to rile her up with her dilated eyes. Would hate to see this chick on the pingers, deadset.
Nice Guy tells them to stop. He reminds Olivia that she’s been awful before, but doesn’t have the time to list all of the ways before Ballarat Paris jumps back in.
“This isn’t a tit for tat chat!!!” Ballarat Paris yells. It’s OK if she yells, apparently.
“You’re sitting there and calling me an awful person and I’m not going to take it,” Princess Bogan declares. Olivia smiles like the sadist she is.
“You are,” Olivia bites back.
“No, I’m not,” Princess Bogan responds.
Olivia continues to smile demonically. Just once can we put Jackson opposite her so he actually sees this shit?
“Ok, what are you gonna do about it?” Olivia asks her.
What a bloody monster. We can all read the subtext here and it sounds like “shrake a shlass why don’t ya”. Jackson’s trying to stop her.
“Right off my back and right down there where it belongs,” Princess Bogan tells her. Which I think means that she’s shaking it off and not going to do anything about Olivia calling her awful.
“Doesn’t look like it,” smiles Olivia. “Looks like you’re a bit bothered by it.”
Now they’re having a fake-smile contest. Someone call someone girlfriend!
Dom says she’s feeling great and has her spark back. “After being shat on,” Nice guy adds. We love the finishing of the sentences which is happening for our power couple right now.
“Mmhmm, sure,” Olivia responds. There’s a long pause and I think this dumb exchange masked as conversation might be over.
Olivia’s going to keep the animosity alive and well. It’s what she do! It’s what she liiives for! “What else do you wanna talk about tonight then?”
“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see, Olivia. I don’t give out my secrets all at once,” Princess Bogan responds.
“Alright! Let’s go there then!” Olivia claps (literally) while Jackson tries to banish the evil spirit that is his fake wife.
She then brings up a conversation had in WEEK TWO OF THE EXPERIMENT where Princess Bogan was discussing Nice Guy with the girls.
“When you’re in my apartment in front of all of us girls saying Jack, he can fuck you right because he **** too quickly.”
I cannot confirm if the comment here is if he fucks too quickly or comes too quickly. It doesn’t matter. I feel bad even entertaining this putrid exchange made about an angel man.
OLIVIA DID NOT JUST FLICK HER HAIR.
Look at how happy she is at Jack’s expense!
Jack is sad he was used as bait in this situation and says he is “the punchline”. My heart. This is a horrible low-blow.
“I was trying to protect Jack because what you said about him was awful,” Olivia adds. Princess Bogan thinks that’s a load of shit because protection does not equal public humiliation.
@badgalella reminds everyone that this convo was had a million years ago, during Fucc Week, and it makes no sense to bring it up now. She says Olivia’s plan of trying to shock Nice Guy won’t work because of how honest Princess Bogan is with him.
“Have fun believing that one,” Olivia remarks. Meanwhile, Jackson has become a shell of a human.
Brent! Forgot about you! How you doing boo?
Ballarat Paris pulls him over to apologise. She tells him she didn’t shit on him. There are a lot of shit references tonight and not a brown bridesmaid dress in sight.
Now Ballarat Paris is doing what she does best and blaming Brent. She thinks it’s his fault for feeling sad that she doesn’t know what he does. “You speak to me and down on me like I’m nothing,” he tells her.
Holy shit the MAFS experts are here. Hasn’t enough happened already? I cant. I love that they are in height order.
Ok they’ve got question boxes. They wont be easy to answer, Resting John Face warns.
Cody and Selina!
Does she think he feels the same about her, as she does about him? Selina doesn’t know and it’s still a concern for her.
Cody has to describe his feelings about Selina. Good god. One word in front of the other mate. You can do it. “I adore you.”
She asks if he adores her as a friend or a girlfriend. He says they are together and she is his girlfriend until they choose to get re-engaged. Wow! Nice! Olivia asks them to kiss because she’s a petulant child.
Nice Guy and Princess Bogan!
Jack is attracted to her 9/10 sexually. “If she keeps jumping on a pole I tell you what it’s gunna be a 10 in a second,” he confirms.
He thinks she could’ve been a better partner if she disregarded some of the things that were happening around them in the experiment.
She says there will probably be dickheads (like Olivia) in the outside world too “Whats true is what we do, not what gets said. Disregard the noise, look in,” he tells her. She understands.
An AMA! He asks if she sees longevity in this relationship. Ballarat Paris is quietly dying. “Oh god….. thats a long pause,” she says even though no one asked her.
“Its been really hard, I’m not going to lie, to see longevity with you,” Princess Bogan tells Nice Guy.
She explains that her previous divorce has caused her to struggle in this relationship. “Just answer the question, Dom!” Ballarat Paris barks. “Have you ever once thought, yes, Jack’s the person for me, forever?”
“I’m getting there,” Princess Bogan explains. “OK so. If I’m thinking long-term and you’re asking me, do I see a future, listening to my heart, but also in my head, I always had doubts.”
Fucking hell. Tamara smiling has sent me.
Poor Nice Guy. I mean, like i get it, but also fuck me dead. Literally the only mildly healthy couple.
Brent and Ballarat Paris!
He says his favourite thing about her is that she’s fun as fuck. The least favourite thing about her? “The way you look at people, the way you view people. You can be very volatile and talk down at someone.”
“Mm, I am judgemental” she nods. Love self-awareness beb. Now change.
AMA! He asks her that if she could date Justin Bieber or save his life, what she’d do. She dunno. Nah! She kids. She’d save his life.
Jackon and Olivia. Note there’s no exclamation mark for these too.
He asks Olivia if she feels married to him. “Yes, absolutely.”
She’s 99% confident this relationship will last, even though she’s in deeper than he is.
Anything she regrets? Come on, girlfriend. You can do it.
“Im gunna say… no.”
She asks Jackson if he thinks her feelings are stronger than his, even though she literally just said that herself. “To be perfectly honest, I do think your feelings are stronger for me at this point,” he responds.
She’s a bit sad and tells the cameras it would take a long time to get over him. She would also probably ruin his life in the process but I cannot confirm nor deny this prediction.
Baby Seal and @badgalella!
Baby Seal asks if she’s falling in love. She says she’s on the right path.
He asks if she thinks he’ll fall in love with her. “I like to think that you might fall in love with me but I can’t guarantee that,” she says.
Does she think he knows what it takes to have a long-term, committed relationship with her? “Everything that Mitchell has said about relationships and marriage, is not the way I see relationships and marriage,” she reveals.
“So the answer’s no?” Ballarat Paris asks. Can someone glue that wine glass to her face? Her commentary is not solicited.
“Yeah,” confirms @badgalella. Resting John Face seems really excited about this relationship crumbling, saying, “This is amazing!!“ from under the stairs.
She says she asked him if they were leaving the experiment in a relationship on their final date. “Its hard to answer,” responds Baby Seal. “Thats why I feel insecure,” she reminds him.
She’s welling up. “You have no used assertive language, ever,” she tells him. “Until I ask.”
He says he’s not the type of guy who’s all loving and caring and puts it on the table. What a treat!
“I’m never going to be that guy,” he says, assertively. “If you want a guy that’s going to be telling you that he loves you every day and is all about kissing in public – that is just not who I am. I don’t show love through those types of avenues. I just don’t and I never will. Simple.”
Her face just reeks of someone who has discovered their relationship is a lost cause.
Nice Guy is comforting her. “Nothing will ever be enough for Mitchell,” she tells him. Baby Seal is edging awfully close to the raging asshole he unleashes from time to time.
“We’ve got final vows coming up and this is…this is a big conversation!”
Ella gets up and leaves.
Final vows tomorrow! Jackson looks… really hot when all his buttons are 80% done up? In other news, Brent tells Ballarat Paris she is not god’s gift to humanity. This is gonna be good.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. You can tell her how much you hate these MAFS recaps on IG here.