I’m not sure what else MAFS has to offer us at this stage but sure, let’s do it.
Selina asks Cody if he’s going to root anyone other than her after final vows. He responds by saying he needs four coffees. I can’t with Cody. Just respond. Just don’t be shit. It’s not that hard.
Baby Seal decides to try for a “quickie” with @badgalella while the cameras are very clearly on. This sea animal is giving me some serious whiplash.
Olivia is still reeling about being metaphorically slapped on the wrist last night. I do question if she knows the definition of yelling but she is doing it right now. She says she is allowed to dislike people and actually likes the fact that she holds grudges.
She tells Jackson that they’re going to do well for the rest of their lives, which is basically her saying he is her future husband and there are no two ways about it. He tells her “not to worry about that”.
Brent and Ballarat Paris are watching back the footage from their wedding day. Aside from making fun of him for not being a giant, she says he seems nice in the video.
Ballarat Paris says it’s the nicest thing she’s ever said and I can’t disagree. They choose to only show footage of Brent’s reaction to seeing Ballarat Paris’ feet for the first time. Ballarat Paris calls Brent a creep. He does not protest.
Next up is Baby Seal and @badgalella but it doesn’t last long, likely because that trip down soft-porn lane got them randy.
Here comes Selina and Cody and deary me, her heart is going to break because he did not appreciate her at first sight. Or ever, really.
They show how happy Selina was when she met Cody. He is quietly shitting bricks. Yep, there it is. We are reminded of the first of 123 times Cody said Selina was “not his type”.
Things are a touch awkward now. These two are not ending up together and it might just be the biggest bullet Selina will ever dodge.
Nice Guy and Princess Bogan are playing UNO because they are goals. They are very excited to be looking back on their wedding video because they know they are not assholes who spoke smack about each other. They are very happy watching it back and I am also very happy watching it back.
Jackson has relocated his god-awful bucket hat for his trip down where-it-all-went-wrong lane. Olivia and Jackson bond over being obsessed with each other since day one. “Head over heels then, head over heels now,” Jackson tells Olivia. I may vomit.
Ballarat Paris and Brent have to write a letter to Baby Seal and @badgalella and also give them a fun activity to do. I remember this task! Ballarat Paris thinks @badgalella is insecure so they’re appointing them a “trust exercise”.
The letter is fine. The task is to go through each other’s phone for five minutes. Baby Seal says he’s not going to do it because he trusts her but @badgalella wants to do it, which says it all, really.
She finds a folder that Baby Seal says she can’t go into. He confirms there is “content” of “explicit pictures” in there. She feels more insecure now.
Princess Bogan and Nice Guy have to write a letter to Olivia and Jackson and vice versa. Christ almighty – or “holy shit”, as Princess Bogan puts it. She wants to write to Olivia that she’s “a mole” but refrains because she is not a petulant child.
Olivia doesn’t know how to tackle this homework. Jackson is proud of her for writing the letter and not spontaneously combusting in the process.
Princess Bogan is reading the letter which does not include surprise coal. They have made Nice Guy write down three needs of his that aren’t being met in the relationship. This is what he comes up with:
- He needs reciprocated affection.
- He needs to be appreciated for the Nice Guy things he does.
- He wants a clear path for their next steps as a couple.
STUNNING.
HE IS SO NICE.
AND TACTFUL.
Again: really sad I did not locate him first.
Olivia and Jackon’s turn to open the letter and task. They are told they are codependent on one another and Olivia proceeds to lose the plot via evil laughter.
They have been asked to spend the night apart with no communication. Olivia thinks that’s funny because it’s not a problem in a relationship. I disagree.
Jackson tells Olivia he’s excited about the time apart (because gym) which gives us a nice relieving pause from this Disney villain’s laughing fit. Olivia is acting like she’s fine with this task.
It’s the next day and Olivia is off it, saying, “Jackson was taken from me.” To be clear, the man is safe and not being held for ransom anywhere.
The time apart has made her realise that she wants to rethink her involvement in the experiment.
Jackson’s prepping for the reunion with his empathy-less wife by brushing his teeth and whipping on his sailor hat.
Once he arrives home, Olivia tells Jackson about her morning meltdown. She is now listing a bunch of things she thinks she’s experienced, including but not limited to:
- Princess Bogan “screaming” at her in the doorway
- Getting “gaslighted” at the commitment ceremony
- Attempted “assassination” of her character
Jackson tells her to take a deep breath. It “shits” him that Olivia is more worried about what’s going on in the experiment than seeing her husband who’s been missing for a whole 24 hours.
Tomorrow night is final dates. Selina asks Cody if he’s cooked. We all know the answer.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. You can tell her how much you hate these MAFS recaps on IG here.
