I hope everyone is OK after last night’s Married At First Sight revelation from Jayden and is ready to tuck into our next MAFS 2024 recap for Episode 8. That was a joke, I know we’re all still recovering. At least I am.
We’re continuing MAFS Confessions Week and Andrea has confided in her sweet Dicky about placing her third in the photo ranking task. “I’m not as special as I thought it was, that’s how it made me feel,” she tells him.
Dicky tells Andrea he’s the most attracted to her and is on a mission to fix his wrongdoings.
Meanwhile, Eden is giving Jayden a class in remorse after he admitted to sleeping with his ex-girlfriend’s friend while the ex watched. Jayden says he wouldn’t do it again, even though he said he didn’t regret it a whole five minutes ago.
It’s time for Collins to rank the MAFS cast including Casey (Cassandra), Edith (Eden) and “this lady” (Ellie) — he either has a shit memory or never took the time to meet his cast mates. Is he OK?
Collins puts Natalie as number one but she thinks it’s “an easy answer” (as in he’s doing it because he thinks he should) and isn’t buying whatever he’s selling. Collins must be an avid MAFS viewer and knows what to say to make Australia like him — if only we believed him!!!
Meanwhile, Ellie and Ben (is that his name?) still exist. She is surprised to see a tour guide have family and children as a low priority in his life when it’s at the top for her.
He’s open to being with someone who doesn’t want to have kids and this freaks her out because she really wants them.
“Kids are very important for females, I understand,” he tells producers.
What in sweet hell was THAT comment? For females? I’m going to choose to politely leave Ben’s choice of words for now because I simply don’t have the energy.
Back to a couple people actually care about, Tin Man Timothy has bought flowers for Lucinda prior to doing the value ranking task.
They both choose “good conversation” as their number one priority so it must be love, love, love.
“Good in bed” is a bit further down for Timothy than it is for Lucinda, who recently asked her new MAFS husband to go to a four-day tantra sex festival.
“I don’t want to want to walk around with hippies in the bush with my balls hanging out,” Timothy tells producers.
Cassandra brings up to Tristan that they haven’t kissed yet and he’s quite defensive about it, saying he hasn’t been in a relationship in a really long time.
What happened to the after-dinner kiss on the their honeymoon? Huh?!
He tells her about the insecurities he has from being overweight, how he was rejected and laughed at, and hasn’t tried to kiss her because he’s scared she’s not attracted to her. She’s very accepting of his admission and understands why he hasn’t made the first move now.
“I am attracted to you and those girls didn’t see who you are like I see the way you are,” she tells him and it’s very wholesome.
Upon leaving the confines of Skye Suites, Tristan says he’s also worried that if they kiss and there’s no spark, he won’t know how to move forward.
He then grabs her a flower and kisses her on the cheek, before the lips. No tongue but I’m hopeful.
It’s time for Lauren and Jono to do the photos ranking task and I can’t wait to see her tear certain grooms a new one.
“This challenge is obviously fucking brutal,” Lauren says and she’s not wrong.
She thinks Ben and Jack are “fuckheads” because Ben is fake and Jack’s pants are too tight.
It’s Jono’s turn and he keeps saying how “lovely” everyone is and it’s hard for Lauren to not vomit in her mouth.
Lauren puts Jono first and he puts her first, because she’s LOVELY.
Lucinda wedges a pillow in Timothy’s legs so that she stays away for him after he asked her for space.
The next day she’s feeling quite rejected and doesn’t feel like he’s making as much effort with her and he is with the TV.
He approaches her for a chat because he feels tension in the air, and I’m proud of him for initiating the conversation.
Basically, she wants to be closer and he wants to be further apart and they go around in circles only to get nowhere.
Over in another suite, Tim tells Sara that he has trust issues and sadly unless it involves your ex-girlfriend’s friend, I might fall asleep over the normality of it all.
Perhaps the phone swap will bring something spicier? Sara doesn’t want to do it, perhaps to test Tim’s trust or perhaps it’s because she has a secret child. I do not know but Tim’s suss and so am I. Something’s coming from Sara, I can feel it!
Now it’s time for Jack to rank the MAFS wives and why do I feel like this will go horribly?
Before he chooses the lineup, we must know that he does not like how tall Lauren is because he wouldn’t want to feel like “a little bitch”. He also thinks she’s “too loud”.
Jack tells Tori she’s “on par” with a few of “the other ladies” and then asks her to convince him why she’s the hottest our of all the MAFS brides.
She lists out all the things that are great about her, including her ears, and he enjoys the confidence. I enjoyed it too, to be honest. It was like that Mean Girls scene in reverse.
He puts her number one because she has a nice body and “nice big boobies” and a “nice booty”, as well as beautiful hair and skin.
“Damn fucking straight sir,” she says and yes queen, tell him.
“It would take a real asshole to make me feel less than secure in my own skin,” Tori assures producers.
See you on Sunday for our very first MAFS commitment ceremony!
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer.