Why, hello there. If you’ve clicked on this yarn then there’s a chance you might end up with one of the lads on The Farmer Wants A Wife. Usually I’m pessimistic as hell when it comes to dating shows, but Farmer Wants A Wife is quite wholesome content so I ! Am ! Keen !
If you didn’t know, Farmer Wants A Wife was recently rebooted by the folk at Channel 7.
Straight to it!
28-year-old Alex hails from Cunnamulla, Queensland, is a sheep and cattle farmer, and describes himself as an “energetic larrikin who enjoys being outside.”
He’s a “very loyal friend and brother who enjoys learning things, especially around geopolitics.”
Alex is a Splendour in the Grass regular, he’s travelled to over 32 countries, has a British passport, his favourite movie is Fight Club, and he wants a “whole tribe of barefoot, grubby, snotty kids, and I’m going to love them to death”.
My Lord these profiles are detailed.
Okay, so Alex is looking for a partner who he could see as a best friend.
“I certainly want to find her attractive, but what I really want is someone who shares my interest, who is levelheaded and is fun with a great sense of humour.”
Trust is huge for Alex, as is the ability to laugh at yourself.
“And being able to forgive each other when the other has made a mistake,” his profile reads.
Farmer Neil is a 42-year-old bloke from Crookwell, NSW. He’s a Merino Sheep farmer, and he describes himself as a “fun, fit, happy, and healthy farmer and father of three.”
Neil can recite Dirty Dancing from start to finish and he can cook an “unforgettable lasagna” which is a bloody big tick for me.
“I think life is like a poker game. Rarely show your cards, play the person, not the hand and learn as much from your wins as your losses.”
Good bloke, Neil.
This is about halfway down his profile and I’m DEAD.
DAD JOKE, DAD JOKE, DAD JOKE, DAD JOKE.
Farmer Sam is 27, he’s from Innisfail, Queensland, and he looks like a bloody delight if I do say so myself.
Sam is a tropical fruit farmer – BIG TICK.
“I’m a fun, loving, and caring person with a heart of gold and a pretty dry sense of humour! I love to be outdoors and am very family orientated.”
Sam is looking for a caring, supportive woman with a big heart and who can have a bit of fun.
RIGHTO, farmer Jack is a 27-year-old Merino Wool farmer from Harrow, Victoria. He describes himself as “energetic, fun, and enthusiastic.” He also has a “great love for life, and above all, I love an adventure.”
Jack is looking for an “empathetic and kindhearted soul who has the same passion to learn, discover, and travel as I do.”
Kindness, generosity, and enthusiasm in a partner is what Jacky-boy is looking for.
All of this aside, he’s just really keen on getting people out on the farm.
“Come and visit a beautiful place, to live and laugh. Hopefully we will find something and at the very least, I promise we will have some fun.”
Behold, 44-year-old farmer Nick from Deviot, Tassie.
Nick’s “about me” is wild: “I’m the type of guy that shows up on the scene and gets the seven digits, you know the routine …… I’m also the type of guy who answers survey questions with LL Cool J lyrics!”
I randomly decided to watch Nick’s video and he’s a sweetheart, I tell you what.
“It would mean everything to me to find true love,” he says. “It would mean filling in that missing piece of myself that I didn’t even know existed. I feel like I’ve been faithful to someone that I haven’t even met yet, that I just maybe haven’t walked in the right circles to meet her.”
So anyway, Nick owns a vineyard. He’s also a dual citizen, once made three bird aviaries for the guy who played guitar in Nirvana, likes to surf, dive, play golf, and is a big fan of the ocean and forests.
Farmer Harry’s a bloke if I’ve ever seen one. The 28-year-old’s from Goolgowi, NSW, and he’s a grapes, cotton, and sheep farmer. Harry is 10/10 my favourite and it’s not just because my boyfriend is also named Harry and is also from the country. NO BIAS HERE.
“I’m a small-town country boy with a big heart and a lot to give, who enjoys the simple life of working on the farm.”
Harry’s after someone who is “easy going, loves a laugh, and is not afraid to have a go at new things.
“She needs to be able to hold her own but also be able to support me, as I will her.”
You can read more about the dudes, and apply for whoever tickles your pickle right here.
Have Friday, mates.