Ladies, homosexuals, teen wolves, theys and members of the clergy. I’m sweating. I’m going absolutely feral. I feel like a wandering soul traversing the harsh deserts who keeps seeing the same hallucination over and over. Mainly because I’m in heat. Friends, I’m positively dizzy, and Dylan O’Brien is to blame.

Truly the sluttiest thing a man in his thirties can do is be Dylan O’Brien. He’s the kind of man that I’d risk it all for.

He’s got kind eyes. He’s talented. He somehow beats the bland white man allegations by so close of a margin that it’s almost an act of flirtation in and of itself.

Interview Magazine has just done a photoshoot with the Teen Wolf star and my God I am weak at the knees. Sometimes you just need extra confirmation that you’re attracted to men, and this is it. This is it right here. I can barely proper sentences form.

I assume there were words in the interview but who gives a fuck? It was probably just a fluff piece to promote whatever the hell it is he’s filming now.

Such details are not important to someone hot and desirable who likes looking at attractive men. My smooth brain was not made to read words.

Speaking of attractive men, this insane glow-up by Dylan O’Brien reminds me of when absolute king Logan Lerman had a similar daddyfication.

Allow me to jot your memory on how Percy Jackson became the hole thief.

I mean, the salt and pepper hair? The golden retriever smile? The side-eyes? I am a puddle. My basement is flooded.

I’ll be honest, sometimes I get Dylan O’Brien and Logan Lerman mixed up in my head. All I know is that one of them was in Teen Wolf and the other ate lotus flowers at the Lotus Casino. Either way, both of these men are insanely attractive and I’m tired of pretending they’re not.

I hope the revelations that Dylan O’Brien is now a turbo thot ultra daddy 6000 has made your evening. I mean, if you’re displeased that someone is living their best life, glowing up and looking hot in the process, maybe look into yourself and ask why.

I for one will be celebrating this glow-up!