In the words of Snoop Dogg on California Girls, greetings loved ones. Welcome to this week’s RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under recap. What an episode that was, and I mean that in the most confused way imaginable. After last week’s incredible showing, we now get this. I have many thoughts, let’s dive right in.

To kick things off, the girls mourn the loss of Maxi Shield in that shock triple elimination that sent her and her breastplate home. Maxi’s a Sydney legend and a half, so it was definitely sad to see her go home before hitting the top five.

Speaking of top five, we are quite literally one episode away from the finale, in which one of these queens will be getting the crown. I truly have no idea how this is going to turn out.

The queens gather ’round the table to discuss how badly Elektra deserves to be here, even though she’s already won a challenge and Art Simone has not.

It’s pretty clear that the girls underestimate Elektra. It’s also clear that she wants to kick someone’s (Scarlet‘s) ass. The producers must be living for this dancing girls rivalry, and who am I to stop them?

one of you will betray me. 

Alrighty, let’s get down to business. RuPaul appears, in the flesh, present and ready in the New Zealand studio, because he is not a green-screened clone.

He then tells the girls that this week’s challenge is the Drag Race Down Under talent show, in which the girls may do whatever the fuck they want, as long as it’s entertaining.

I think some girls missed the entertaining part, but alas.

We then watch the girls warm-up for the challenge, because there really isn’t much else to film, and we are gifted with this moment from Art.

Luna Park, Sydney’s no. 1 heritage-listed amusement park!

Art is apparently shoving food down her gob for her talent, while Karen from Finance is making balloon animals, Kita Mean is doing quick-change magic, Scarlet is pole dancing and Elektra is doing contemporary dance.

You can’t say Drag Race Down Under isn’t full of whacky talents, that’s for sure.

One, two, skip a few and Kita Mean reveals her order list for the show. Both Scarlet and Elektra want to go last for some reason, and the tensions are high.

However, New Zealand blood is thicker than water, and Kita gives her girl Elektra what she wants.

Naturally, this ticks off Scarlet. Did someone say rivalry between the dancing girls? I never would have guessed.

Art’s facial reactions coming through as the best thing this whole ep.

Scarlet wants to know why the fuck Kita would betray her so badly by cursing her with second last instead of last, and starts to question her about it.

It’s a whole lot of drama for seemingly no reason, but hey, when your entire episode revolves around a short talent show, you gotta fill the gaps with something.

Anyway, here’s a cherub statue eating out a Barbie doll.

I must’ve skipped over this part of the Bible?

Season 2 star and Ru’s makeup artist Raven then makes an appearance, because why the fuck not, and gives the queens a few tips and tricks to being as successful as she is.

Things go off to a brilliant start as Elektra goes full fkn horndog for Raven.

They start talking about “flexing muscles” and straight-up fucking and TBH I just tuned out as I watched Elektra’s flirting face. He’s so fkn hot, I truly have nothing else to say.

I’m just a lightning rod, sir.

Meanwhile, Ru tells Karen to be sexy as a way to channel the real her. I mean, Karen’s brand isn’t exactly full-blown sex kitten, so it’s an odd piece of advice to give.

Somehow, in Ru’s mind, twisting balloon animals while wearing thigh-high leather boots is vulnerability. I’ve been doing it wrong all these years.

Let’s hop straight to the main stage, where the girls finally give their talent show performances. And guess who’s first, it’s Karen, tassels out and balloon dogs excitably primed.

I am lost for words.

is this not the sexiest thing you’ve seen in your life?

Caption: is this not the sexiest thing you’ve seen in your life?

Art shoves her fist in her mouth for her talent, and it’s a gorgeous mess.

Kita’s quick-change is well-executed but the looks are pretty unattractive.

Elektra’s contemporary dance is a fever dream, but her wigs are a nightmare.

And then there’s Scarlet.

it’s in this moment the others girls knew they fucked up.

All in all the talent show was messy as hell. I mean, Karen has been waiting for a comedy challenge to flex her comedic timing, and yet chooses to make balloon animals for her talent??

Anyway, moving swiftly forward before I have a balloon animal-related seizure.

Ru asks the girls who should go home tonight and they all say Elektra, mainly because she constantly puts a mop on her head and wonders why she’s in the bottom.

Meanwhile, Elektra says Art, because I guess she had to say someone’s name out there.

how I wish to look in the clubs post-lockdown.

Ru then announces that Scarlet is the winner, giving her a grand total of three wins, and that Kita and Elektra are lipsyncing for their lives.

My question here is, where is the show going now? Scarlet has the most wins by far, but surely won’t be crowned the winner due to the whole blackface scandal, right?

Meanwhile, Art and Karen, who are massive queens outside of the show, have been coasting along very safe throughout the comp. Both queens deserve to take the crown, but not because of what they’ve done within the show.

Then you have Kita and Elektra, with one win each, who are now in the bottom lipsyncing against each other. Who the hell is winning this damn thing?

Anyway, Kita and Elektra are asked to lipsync to The VeronicasUntouched and it’s probs the worst lipsync of the season. Untouched deserved so much better.

I mean, Ru’s face says it all.

And despite the fact that she couldn’t move in her avant-garde techno boots, Kita’s performance was still ten times better than Elektra walking around in circles on the stage.

I’m glad to see Kita in the top four, and I’m just praying that she takes home the crown in the end.

It’s sad to see Elektra go, but she’s definitely had a great run on the show, so I can’t complain. Lightning always strikes twice, so I’m sure we’ll be seeing much more of her still.