Cheeseslaw.

Cheese…. slaw.

Cheese. Slaw.

I can’t get over this.

This morning I woke up, as I have done every other day of my life, blissfully unaware of the existence of cheeseslaw.

That will change tomorrow.

As of a mere handful of seconds ago I have learned what cheeseslaw is; I have learned its composition, useage, and origin.

And I am now a changed man.

Cheeseslaw, as it turns out, is a dish native to Broken Hill, a town that has trapped some 17,000 residents in a patch of dirt 6 hours north-east of Adelaide where they spend their lives slowly roasting under the sun’s hottest point, like the dripping spit in the great kebab shop that is Australia.

There, for reasons that I guess amount to “not enough water to grow cabbage,” townsfolk at some point in history have concocted a hellish dish called cheeseslaw, and decided that was the food to best represent them as a people.

Chiefly consisting of grated carrot, grated cheese, mayo, and that’s it, cheeseslaw is on everything in Broken Hill. Sandwiches, burgers, toast, rolls, you name it. People even consume it raw, in gluttonous globfuls, from tubs.

Notable Broken Hill chicken shop Ragenovich’s reportedly goes through 20kgs of carrots every four days in order to keep up with the demand; the people of Broken Hill are that filthy for this abhorrent dish whose burnt orange hue matches both the rusted dirt under foot and the bog-awful turds it probably yields.

An isolated local anomaly for much of its entire existence, cheeseslaw has now entered the national conversation thanks to the Macquarie Dictionary, who – in their infinite wisdom – have decided to enshrine the dish as part of the greater Australian vernacular thanks to its 2020 Print Edition, which will include the word like it’s just a normal, ordinary, regular thing.

And because of that bonkers decision – if they’re dishing out official nods to regional slang willy nilly then there’s simply no reason for Tasmania to not have rocket box, Agfest, and blockies enshrined in there – because of that, you know what cheeseslaw is.

Much like I do.

Cheeseslaw.

Cheese. Slaw.

Source: ABC News
Image: Twitter