In news that has truly troubled my soul AND my spirit, Bunnings has announced that it will be cranking up the cost of its famous sausage sizzle snags. God is dead and we killed him. We killed him with a warm, costly sausage.

Yes, my friends, the news is true. We live in truly dire times and the price of literally everything is skyrocketing to reflect this. You know shit has hit the fan when fkn Bunnings of all places is increasing their costs.

The legendary Bunnings snag will now cost you $3.50 instead of $2.50. This is the first time that the price of the mighty sausage on a slice of white bread has increased in 15 whole years.

The price will increase from July 23rd.

Good news for lovers of a canned beveragino though, as drinks will be remaining at the cost of $1.50. Thank the lord that we have some semblance of peace and justice in the world.

“The inflationary environment has certainly meant that many of our community groups have come to us and asked for this change,’’ Bunnings managing director Mike Schneider told the Herald Sun.

“We understand very much the really important role the humble snag plays in the community’s psyche.”

Mate, you’re bloody right there. Hearing that the snag will cost me a dollar extra in these trying times has truly and irrevocably damaged my brain. I feel like Michelle Yeoh in Everything Everywhere All At Once. I am splitting between dimensions. Hopefully, I find one where snags still cost $2.50 or cheaper.

“It’s a pretty simple recipe — it’s a snag, a bit of bread and some sauce and onion to taste,’’ Schneider said.

“But what it does is really help raise much-needed funds for local community groups … whether it’s the local school or sporting club or to do something in the community.’’

Bunnings has raised approximately $140 million for charities from people buying its simple snags. Now that the price has gone up, one can only assume that it’s going to be making a whole lot more charity money.

I’m going to go look at pictures of kittens or something. This news has truly dismantled my entire day. Somebody go and deflate the economy please, I’ve had enough of this inflation business.