Merry Christmas, everything’s awful! The festival season is fast approaching and lord knows, given the year that it has been, we could use any old excuse for a little extra cheer (or cheers). But it would seem that one beautiful, boozy invention is not meant for us this year, with ALDI confirming that their positively genius-looking wine advent calendar will not be available in Australia this year.
“What’s a wine advent calendar?” you say? Glad you asked.
It’s an advent calendar, right, with 24 doors representing the December days leading up to Christmas, stay with me, but instead of having a chocolate or a treaty for sweetie behind each door, keep following, it’s got a little bottles of plonk for you to suckle upon like a Christmas Day ham.
Genius, right? The fanciest, most festive goon box of them all.
The UK arm of ALDI announced the calendar and Brits summarily lost their minds, all clamouring at the idea of sailing through the silly season with an almost permanent light buzz. But what of us? What of us poor, lowly commoners in the colonies? Don’t we too deserve a taste of Santa’s private reserve?
Evidently not, it would seem.
The bad news for us poor sober Aussies is that, apparently, the calendars won’t be hitting local shelves this year.
An ALDI spokesman told NewsCorp earlier today and confirmed the non-appearance of the product, stating:
ALDI operates in a number of countries, in which varying products are sold in each market. At this stage, the wine advent calendar will not be available in Australian ALDI stores.
‘Course it’s not like there’s a shortage of booze in the country or anything, so this isn’t exactly *life ruining*. But still, the English get a fancy thing and we don’t? It’s not fucking right, is what it is.
Ahh well. Back to the old traditional method of poking 24 holes in the December page of a regular calendar, sticking 24 long straws through them and into a Soda Stream bottle with half the contents of Colonel Stanley’s finest bladder poured in. One sip a day until Santa comes, yum yum.
What? Just me?
