WHO ELSE IS KEEN FOR TONIGHT’S MAFS RECAP? Sorry to be so aggressive. But when you get something new after years of watching this shit, excitement is warranted. Let’s get into the MAFS Commitment Ceremony aftermath.
Bunnings Douche (Harrison) feels bad for Jesse because he has little brothers but hold on — surely these two are around the same age? Yeah, confirmed, there is two years between them so I do not want to hear it.
For the next challenge (task? activity?), the MAFS experts are asking our brides and grooms to move into the SKYE Suites apartment of another bride or groom for three days. It’s a mouthful of hopefully only the literary kind.
MAFS expert John Aiken reckons this is not an invitation for our couples to cheat, however, I’m sure there are fingers crossed across the nation.
Here are our new couples for the next three days:
- Lyndall and Ollie
- Alyssa and Cam
- Tahnee and Rupert
- Evelyn and Prince Eric (Duncan)
AND…
- Bronte and Layton
- Melinda and Bunnings Douche
If this man’s facial expressions aren’t the best thing about him then colour me shocked:
These MAFS couples are clearly unimpressed by the couple swap task. In fact, Melinda would rather jump off a balcony (don’t do it, babe, he’s not worth it).
And Bunnings Douche? He’d rather stick some kitchen utensils in his eyes (you already have issues seeing what’s right in front of you, so do what you want, I guess).
Aside from cornea mutilation, Bunnings Douche thinks that Melinda might “fall in love” with him after the three days. But he’s also talking about poisoning her so it truly is the perfect plot line for yet another cooked Disney film.
“A little bit of healthy wife-shaming might be in order,” Bunnings Douche says and no, there is nothing healthy about that. I’m sick of telling this man all the ways he is wrong about his opinions of women and their menstruation cycles. Report back to me when you change your personality.
Layton is flat-out refusing to move in with Bronte. This is sad because I think it would do her a world of good to be around someone sane and normal for more than a couple of hours.
Melinda has decided against the balcony idea and instead wants to “YOLO it” whether it has an ROI or not. Like cockwork (intentional), Bunnings Douche arrives for a frosty and awkward reception.
Layton catches Bunnings Douche up to speed and says he will not move in with Bronte but Melinda is “happy” to do the challenge.
“I’m not happy!!! Don’t say thaaaat!!!” Melinda butts in and heavens, why is this so funny? It reeks of someone revealing her crush in Year 5.
Melinda tells Layton that he’s being like Bunnings Douche right now with his behaviour. “Hey, I’m here,” Bunnings Daddy reminds her and it’s the best television I’ve seen all week. It’s only Monday but I’m hopeful.
Layton and Melinda are down each other’s throats without the use of any kitchen utensils. He’s uncomfortable! He’s uncomfortable! He takes a second to pause the boardroom meeting and show off how UNCOMFORTABLE his new SPANX are making him:
Our Cannabis CEO is leaving, not on a jet plane but to another somehow-vacant SKYE Suites apartment.
He’s questioning his feelings and can we please not let Bunnings Douche ruin yet another business relationship?
Side note: why is Layton acting like they’re asking him to have sex with Bronte for the next three nights? Perhaps this CEO just really needs his eight hours and that can’t happen on the couch. And for that, I will allow this behaviour.
Lyndall arrives at Ollie’s place only to be offered tea which makes her immediately realise she has been starved of a stocked pantry. She and Cam haven’t cooked once this entire MAFS experiment. Yikes. Door Dash every night, no doubt?
Ollie confronts Lyndall some more when he tells her he feels like she and Cam only talk about their issues at the commitment ceremonies. We love an observant king.
Meanwhile, Bunnings Douche asks Melinda if she thinks he’s ready to commit. Once she realises this is not a rhetorical question, she tells him that she doesn’t think he can give up the fuccs cold turkey.
He then asks her if she thinks his relationship is fake. Why would he ask things he already knows the answer to?
Melinda wants to know why Harrison thinks she’s a nightmare and he says it’s assumed because of how Layton acts. Um, is Melinda wearing all of Layton’s clothes to remind Bunnings Douche she’s in a relationship? I want to think it’s cute, and it would be if it didn’t feel like now was the first time it was happening.
Layton has finally rocked up at Bronte’s and wants her opinion on whether or not he overreacted yesterday. She tells him that Melinda gaslit him. Surely fucking not. The emotional manipulation doesn’t fall far from the douche.
Layton wants to know if Bronte thinks he and Melinda are compatible. She thinks they are except for the fact that their values don’t align. Surely it would’ve been easier to just say no?
Now he wants to know if Melinda has any red flags he’s not aware of. Bronte says she can be aggressive and go in for the attack and it doesn’t take more than one brain cell to realise that homegirl is loving this opportunity.
What’s with all the smiling? Maybe Mel should’ve been more reluctant to this task after all.
Prince Eric is airing his concerns about Alyssa to Evelyn, and Alyssa is doing the same thing about Prince Eric to Cam. It’s nothing we haven’t heard before. TL;DR: Alyssa wants more future chat and Duncan is nervous about Alyssa’s charged emotions and needs.
How has Prince Eric and Evelyn’s apartment not burnt down? That is far too much hot for one suite.
Evelyn suggests Prince Eric do a photo shoot for his wife and heavens, I will not stop them.
Heck yeah, the apron is back on — my favourite of all Prince Eric’s outfits — and holy shit, give Australia the soft porn they deserve.
What a man, what a man, what a mighty good (and hot) man.
I wish I wasn’t scared that this will piss Alyssa off.
Also how are these photos so good from an iPhone camera? Evelyn doesn’t strike me as an Android gal.
In other dress-up areas, Ollie has morphed into Cam by literally cracking open a beer, putting on an ocker voice and wearing a hat and wig. Why does Ollie have a blonde wig? That’s all I need to know. (It’s always the quiet ones).
Alyssa is arriving home and is confused why her husband is so happy to see her after three days. This man truly cannot win.
He gives her the photo and she says, “Cute” as if she is looking at something that is most definitely not cute.
He then gives her a cooking class as a present and she says “love that” as if she doesn’t in fact love that.
Prince Eric asks Alyssa what’s wrong and she brings up her child being her first priority as well as their vague future. She keeps saying he will “never understand” what it’s like to have a child and I’m not going to pretend I don’t take issue with this.
At least Prince Eric is trying to understand. From where I’m sitting he’s only ever been supportive of her being a mother — I don’t think he should be disregarded because his life didn’t unfold the same as hers. Just because someone doesn’t have kids, it doesn’t mean it’s not something they wish they had, or something they want for their future.
Sometimes I wonder if Alyssa is the only one in this relationship. He is offering compromises, and solutions to their relationship hiccups and she’s just like me me me.
Alyssa leaves. Wouldn’t be the first time!
Duncan feels like he’s trying so hard in this relationship (he is) but this is the most rejected he has been in any relationship ever. He’s crying and literally anyone watching would happily wipe away those tears.
Anyway, if you needed something to help you sleep tonight: remember that hot people get rejected too.
Tomorrow night we welcome back Disney Daddy (Josh), Janelle, Sandy, Caitlin and more for a boys and girls night. Missed them all.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer and host of We’ve Done The MAFS podcast. Follow her on Instagram or TikTok.
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