MAFS Recap: Resident Manchild Cam Won’t Touch Lyndall Outside Of The City Confines, Either

It’s home stays week on MAFS. We’re at the pointy end and thank all the biblical references for that.

Bronte‘s banging on about owning “her shit” again.

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lol well if it comes out of your bum, it belongs to you

Bunnings Douche (Harrison) thinks Evelyn is playing chess in the MAFS experiment and she’s going for the king. Who’s the king, you ask? Bunnings Douche, apparently. Except he doesn’t wear a crown. He wears a backwards cap like a real eshay.

We are re-tapping into the fundamentally stupid storyline of Cam being “locked up” in “urban living” by existing at the SKYE Suites for free. I cannot. THIS MAN IS NOT HERE AGAINST HIS WILL.

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I’m a manchild… get me out of here!

Apparently Lyndall does not own a pair of thongs and why do I feel like the PR for Havaianas is sending her a full box of ’em tomorrow? Lyndall, when they do, you can thank me personally on whatever social media platform you decide to look me up on.

Alyssa is hurt (once again) about Prince Eric (Duncan)’s actions. He says that if she gets hurt by him expressing himself, then it doesn’t encourage him to share in the future.

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but you’ll share it with Alessandra, WON’T YOU

We already know this so one can only assume that they’re setting us up for another bin-fire exchange between these two this episode.

Big LOL at this MAFS power couple in their convertible.

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Alexa, play Bitter Sweet Symphony

Lyndall is in the NT and can we talk about how awkward this unreturned affection is, please? She’s putting her hand on his shoulder but where’s his hand? On his own bloody leg. He’s not even driving stick. There is no excuse.

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i can smell the platonic tension from here

It’s the little things. And he can’t even do that. Not even in “The Territory” where he promised to be less shit. Oh look, he gave her a dog to put her hands on instead.

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it’ll do

Cam has “cheeky” housemates, apparently. Yup, confirmed by Cheeky Cal who insinuates Lyndall is definitely not the first girl Cam’s “brought home” but likely the first one in broad daylight.

“First relationship he’s been in, yeah,” Cheeky Cal laughs.

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he’s gunna kill me

Lyndall’s checking out Cam’s rod collection. This is a good thing considering Cheeky Cam reckons you need to know how to fish and hunt to date Cam.

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plenty of fish in the sea, luv

In a different state both geographically and mentally, Alyssa drives down the road to check out Prince Eric’s home town. Which is her home town.

It doesn’t take long before he is being grilled yet again for not fully understanding what it’s like to have a child. Prince Eric tells the friends that he’s told Alyssa at least 20 times that he’s OK to be second priority. How can he say these things and it’s not deemed sassy? Genuinely curious.

every time he says it, the more i despise him actually

Alyssa then drops the information she’s available every other weekend and Wednesdays to spend time with her husband.

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that’s perfect because i hate spending time with you

Somewhere else in Australia, Rupert is hanging out with two very cute dogs that are almost as inaudible and harmless as him. They mean well!

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[inaudible dedication]
He is putting together a date for Evelyn and himself and OK, tell me this doesn’t look like so much fun?

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023

This is one part Titanic, one part Never Been Kissed.

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Billy Bali!

Rupert is trying not to crack a fat, surely.

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I’ll draw u like one of my French girls alright

I hope inaudible Rupert and all of his paint brushes are OK.

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2023

Alright, Evelyn wants to take control of the date by switching to body painting. I guess this is is what you put up with for women as hot as Evelyn:

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anything for u my kween

Rupert has high hopes of being a DILF so would like to have a kid in someone else’s belly within the next three years. Isn’t he like, 19?

20, actually!!!

It’s the next morning and it’s confirmed: they bumped uglies.

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bumped pretties is probably more fitting for these tens

Or had “adult hugs”, as Rupert puts it.

[inaudible judging of masters]
Evelyn confirms it was a “dog-free zone” during the adult hug so I guess everything was front-facing.

a lady does not doggy and tell

You know what I DON’T want to hear about having sex with someone for the first time?


I also don’t want to hear about your ex or your mother after we’ve hugged all adult like, but skiddies? Really, Rupert?

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OK, Prince Eric has a sister and yes, she’s just as beautiful as one would imagine.

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a vision

Prince Eric has lost his voice which is interesting considering that’s Ariel’s role. Once Alyssa leaves the building, Prince Eric kills Ursula and is able to retrieve his voice and speak to his sister.

She’s confused that he’s not addressing the elephant in the room (AKA Alyssa’s schedule) with his wife. He basically says that he wants to, and he would, if his wife didn’t terrify him.

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u have no idea

Over in the NT, Lyndall is being very sun-safe which we love to see.

i’m ready for activities!!

They are patting fish. Not sure what’s going on here but count me the fuck out.

oh honey no wot is u doing??

Lyndall is pulling out the swears because Cam isn’t pashing her in the NT.

you got to… KISS ZE GIRL

With no hugs and no kisses, surely these two are just mates? Why aren’t you kissing her, doll?

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she has fish breath

Lyndall thought that Cam being back home might bring out the kissy side of him. Now she feels rejected because even in his own backyard, he still doesn’t want to tongue.

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Dolly mag taught me how to kiss and I intend to put it to good use

He eventually says sorry and touches her shoulder.

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like… this?

They’re back out with the “cheeky” crew but nothing’s changed in Lyndall’s head. She feels alone and that’s a shit feeling when you’re not around your support system. I feel sorry for her. But I feel sorrier for whoever this guy is in the middle of it all.

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talk about a shit sandwich

Cam reckons some people are affectionate and some aren’t, but it sounds like he was very affectionate during the honeymoon? Luke (we have a name) decides he wants no part in this. Cam, the manchild, would like him to stay and fight his battles.

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Run, Lyndall, run!!!

Lyndall is pissed off because she kissed a barramundi but her husband won’t even kiss her.

tomorrow me and barra and going to 2nd base

Lyndall, get out of there. You’ll be miserable if this is how it looks within the first two months.

Somewhere in the confines of the city, Prince Eric is taking his wife out for a spin on the water. Prince Eric is totally a boat guy. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.

that’s hot

He asks Alyssa why her mummy schedule wasn’t brought up earlier. “It’s definitely about timing,” she says.

Prince Eric is confused why she waited this long to tell him about the possibility of a “part-time relationship”. He wants to know what a good relationship looks like to her.

Alyssa asks him this:

is this a… rhetorical question?

“God, I don’t know,” he says.

She thinks their relationship’s been “great” and it’s OK that they’ve had “really shitty times”. But doesn’t know if their personality clashes can be worked on.

She thought this home stay she was going to tell him that she was falling for him and saw a life with him.

She wants to go sit underneath but let’s be honest, homegirl is probably just seasick.

where’s my fkn Travacalm

Tomorrow night home stays continue and it looks like Layton and Melinda may break up which makes me very sad indeed.

Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer and host of We’ve Done The MAFS podcast. Follow her on Instagram or TikTok.

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