You thought you were done with the weekend just because the AFL Grand Final was yesterday? BAH. The NRL Grand Final is mere hours away now and, with a public holiday tomorrow (for most of the country) you’ve got very little excuse not to turn one on this evening as well.
So while anticipation reaches fever pitch for the intensely intriguing clash between Melbourne Storm and the North Queensland Cowboys, consider this entirely useful, extremely serious, and above-all-else easy to follow 2017 NRL Grand Final Drinking Game to help sail you through to whenever the NRL arbitrarily decides to kick the game off tonight.
GRAND FINAL FROFFIES YOU BEAUT.
TAKE A DRINK WHEN…
- Macklemore takes the stage before the game and crushes ‘Same Love.‘ Drink at the sudden and bizarre realisation that Macklemore somehow became the most important artist in Australia in the space of a week.
- Someone in the commentary box appears visibly uncomfortable having to editorialise the Macklemore performance. Love is love, ya old fart. SIP IT.
- You spot empty seats in the stands. They were giving away free tickets earlier this week because of fears the game won’t sell out. One drink while you ponder how much of a rabble the NRL executive is.
- The start time of the game creeps up on you because you forgot that Daylight Saving kicked in last night. One rushed drink to try and catch up tout suite.
- Channel Nine attempts that Michael Bay-style pan-and-talk that they insist looks good on a sports broadcast but in reality means they’re making retired players-cum-commentators swivel on hips that absolutely are not capable of doing so anymore. One for the poor sore hips!!
IF YOU’RE SUPPORTING THE MELBOURNE STORM, TAKE A DRINK WHEN…
- You remember that there are 10 Sydney-based NRL clubs not participating in today’s big game. El oh el.
- You realise that HOLY SHIT THIS COULD BE BILLY SLATER‘S FINAL GAME DON’T GO BILLY DO NOT LEAVE US.
- Some cocky sonofagun makes a Storm pun within earshot. Lightning. Thunder. Rain. Whatever. The worse it is, the longer you drink. Thems the rules.
- An AFL-loving hooligan, still dusty (no pun intended) from yesterday’s festivities, asks any question about the rules of the game. It’s been a long-ass season, and AAMI Park isn’t that hard to get to.
- Any time Cooper Cronk gets a piece of the pill. Purely because it’s fun as hell to shout “CRONK!!!” out loud and swig away.
- If Felise Kaufusi somehow scores a try, whip out a Santa hat and sing ‘FELISE NAVIDAD‘ while suckin’ back on that classic. Sure, it’s a cheap pun. But you come up with a better one while half-pissed writing this article on a Friday afternoon.
- The Mighty Melbourne Storm bring home the trophy, finally getting back the second stripped trophy and making up for the murk of controversy by winning one for bloody Billy and Cam and the boys. And hell, make it two if Richmond got up yesterday too. Both the big league trophies safely in Melbourne. More bloody like VictoriYEAH BOIIIIIIIIIiIIIiiiIIiIIIIIII.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXHn-cuPl0A
IF YOU’RE SUPPORTING THE NORTH QUEENSLAND COWBOYS, TAKE A DRINK WHEN…
- You remember that… Seriously, two major Grand Finals this weekend, zero Sydney teams competing. Absolute pisser. Drink up.
- Johnathan Thurston appears on screen and you’re reminded that the spirit of JT is propelling the Boys to the possibly the miracle of all miracles. Get Thirsty for Thursto™.
- Queensland pride about finishing 8th overcomes you. 8th place on the ladder. 8 Origins in a Row. It’s a sign! The numbers don’t lie!
- An extremely sour Broncos fan tries to rain on your parade. A delicious Milton Mango for you, and a big ole’ helping of *SALT* for them. Bueno.
- You find yourself in a random grouping of fellow-Queenslanders you’ve never met before, and you each ask where you’re from. Everyone drinks, but the more northern your town is, the more you sip. Pray for anyone from Cooktown.
- Any time Kyle Feldt takes possession. Slam down the biz and then smirk at yr mate. When they ask why you did that, just say you “Feldt like it.” Trust me, it’ll be hilarious.
- The absolute unthinkable happens and the ‘Boys pinch the flag from eighth on the ladder. Ya just bloody know Thursto’s gonna shed a tear, and you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t too. The Pride of North Queensland! The little team that could! The greatest underdog flag of all-time! HELL YEAH THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN.
