In a nightmare straight out of Year 9 P.E., an Italian runner had a bit of an unfortunate downstairs situation during the 2022 World Athletics U20 Championships in Colombia.

The runner in question was competing in the decathlon and honestly, immediate mega kudos for that alone. If, like me, you were more of a library-at-lunch than a kick-the-footy-round child, let me bring you up to speed.

The decathlon is one of the most gruelling sporting events. It’s usually done over two days, and it features a 100 metre run, a long jump, shot put, high jump and then a 400 metre run. The second day usually includes 110 metre hurdles, discus, pole vault, javelin and then the 1500 metre run.

That’s some proper Greek god shit. I’m exhausted just from typing it out.

The schlong-slippage happened when the 18-year-old athlete in question was competing in the 400 metre race.

He could be seen grabbing his crotch during the race in footage tweeted by Spanish sports journo David Sánchez de Castro, who explained that the runner’s “penis escaped out of the side of his shorts”.

This is fair enough — I can image it is incredibly distracting not to have your junk contained while running very fast. Honestly props to this guy for finishing the race.

The runner in question posted a statement about the incident to his Insta Story according to The Daily Star.

I just want to talk to you a little bit about the rumpus there’s been on blogs and social media in general,” he said. 

“I’m conscious it was obviously an accident and I’d like to tell you I’m aware of the reaction and you don’t need to send me the links to the blogs out there.

“I’m trying to laugh about it now but immediately afterwards I felt terrible and I’m thankful to my friends and family for helping me get over what happened a few hours later.”

He called out media coverage of the situation, saying “that for a more sensitive person could have done a lot of harm”. 

Honestly, being an incredibly accomplished athlete who accidentally swung a bit of dick is nothing to be embarrassed about in my opinion. I could barely run 400 metres even if every bit of me was taped down and stuffed into a Kim Kardashian SKIMS bodysuit.

The only truly embarrassing display of sportsmanship I’ve seen? Dominic Perrottet’s frankly pathetic attempt at cricket bowling. For shame, sir.

Image: Chariots of Fire