The fancy locals of Wimbledon in London have reportedly kicked up a right old fuss over sex parties being held in a local woodland during the tennis. Honestly, sex parties sound way more fun than the tennis anyway. The woods are for everyone guys!

According to UK pub The Daily Star, Wimbledon Park is a popular place to camp out for the Wimbledon tennis tournament. It’s also quite a popular spot for what apparently the locals know as “sex and drug” parties.

Just saying, if the parties were there first then the parties were there first.

Look, perhaps there’s something about slapping a load of hard yellow balls that just gives folks the horn you know? Maybe it’s something to do with the animalistic grunting noises tennis players make when they’re playing? And as long as it’s all consensual then it’s chill in my book.

But Wimbledon locals are absolutely not having it.

According to The Daily Star, someone put up a note on a tree reading “Game, Sex and Match: NO THANKS”. I mean, I have to give them credit for the tennis pun.

“Visiting tennis fans please respect our park and woodland. Anti-social behaviour such as drugs, booze and sex parties will not be tolerated,” it said. 

“Police patrol this area regularly and you have been warned. Thanks for your consideration. Enjoy the tennis!”

This is truly the most British thing I’ve ever read: very uptight and yet also very polite.

Who knew Wimbledon fans were so horny. And will we spot any famous tennis faces in the secluded but clearly erotically charged woodland?

Apparently the same thing happened at Wimbledon in 2019, when one local put up a sign saying “we politely ask no BBQs, no littering, no sex and drug parties in the woods” as per News.com.au. Top three priorities right there.

Credit where credit is due, a woodland sex party for Wimbledon beats rooting in the loo at an AFL Grand Final party.