A teen in central Thailand has been rushed to hospital after having a snake (yes, a SNAKE) bite his peen (yes, PEEN) while he was using the toilet and uhhh, ouch.

18-year-old Siraphop Masukarat was just minding his business while doing his *business* on Thursday evening when a 1.2m python jumped out of the toilet and bit him.

According to The Sun, Masukarat was rushed to the Bang Yai Hospital with “blood spurting everywhere” after the snake attached himself to his manhood in what can only be described as an absolute nightmare. I don’t even have a penis but you can rest assured that I’ll be checking the toilet for any rogue snakes before I do my business from now on.

“I was using the toilet but a few moments after I sat down, I suddenly felt pain in my penis,” Masukarat said. “I looked down and saw there was a snake hanging in the toilet.”

Despite being small in size, the snake still packed quite a punch, so maybe size doesn’t matter after all.

“Then there was blood everywhere. It was only a small snake but its bite was so strong.”

Thankfully, Masukarat was quick-thinking and was able to slam the toilet door on the snake, forcing it to release his bloodied peen from its grip.

The 18-year-old needed three stitches, and was treated with an antibiotic wash to kill any bacteria the snake may have infected him with, but is recovering well in hospital.

“I hope that my penis can recover,” he said.

If this isn’t a reason to officially implement The Simpsons’ Whacking Day, I don’t know what is.

Image: Getty Images