During the AFL’s annual Grand Final Breakfast, PM Anthony Albanese and Opposition Leader Peter Dutton exchanged barbs ahead of today’s match between the Brisbane Lions and the Collingwood Magpies.
In perhaps the most cutting sizzle of the morning, Albo took aim at Dutton’s cooked 2018 comments about people being afraid to leave their houses due to a supposed crime wave in Victoria.
“I remember a few years ago you [Dutton] said that the streets of Melbourne were so dangerous that people were afraid of going out to dinner,” the PM said.
“Well, if the Pies win today, you might finally be right about that.”
Albanese also used his time at the podium to roast not only his political rival but also outgoing AFL CEO and man-with-extremely-luscious-hair Gillon McLachlan.
The PM joked that while they were at the 57th North Melbourne Grand Final breakfast, they were also at the 92nd farewell event for Gil, who has been making a song and dance about his retirement since at LEAST April.
Albo then went on to poke fun at the ticketing cock-up that occurred earlier in the week where top-tier Collingwood members missed out on seats to the Granny. It was giving “Taylor Swift Eras Tour” but for sports.
“A big shout-out to all the Brisbane Lions fans in the house, especially those who’ve made the trip down there – there are a few of you,” Albo said,
“You’ve had to overcome Port, Carlton, Qantas and Ticketek.”
Zinger? Sure, go on then.
Even Dutton got in on the action, and by “get in on the action” I mean – “hired some comedy writers to pen him a few jokes”.
The opposition leader also made use of Gil’s elongated retirement, comparing it to AFL great Buddy Franklin‘s retirement this year which was short, sharp and without much fuss.
Like, seriously, Buddy didn’t even want to do the lap of honour at the MCG on Grand Final day.
“Gill’s example is one that you can look at, but I much prefer the Buddy Franklin model of retirement; going out on top without uttering a public word to a journalist,” Dutton said.
“Prime minister there’s probably a message in there for you.”
The pair’s speeches were oddly amusing for two blokes well known for lacking any shred of comedic timing.
It’s like watching a monkey doing maths using peanuts. Good on it for trying!!!
The AFL Grand Final will kick off at 2:30pm AEST on Saturday September 30.
Photo by James Elsby/Getty Images