The idea of handing over a beloved pet dog to a taxidermist so it can remain in your house forevermore after it dies is one thing in and of itself, but having a replica made of the dog while it’s still alive is something else entirely. And that, for reason I can’t possibly fathom, is what the LEGOLAND Melbourne Discovery Centre wants to do. They want to make a life-size, 1:1 replica of someone’s dog out of LEGO bricks. A replica that will then live in that person’s house as an inert, pixellated version of the dog that definitely won’t send the living, breathing version absolutely off its damned rocker at all.

In honour of International Dog Day earlier in the week, the Melbourne-based LEGOLAND has opened up a competition wherein the winner will receive a brick-made LEGO replica of their actual dog.

That’s not a joke either. The build team at the Discovery Centre will make your dog out of LEGO bricks and then give it to you. What you do with the LEGO dog after that is quite obviously up to you.

In celebration of International Dog Day, we want to build your dog! Have you ever thought that one dog is not enough?…

Posted by LEGOLAND Discovery Centre Melbourne on Sunday, 25 August 2019

Entering the competition involves submitting a photo of your beloved hound, along with its name, age, breed, one “crazy” fact about them, and an explanation of why you believe your dog deserves to have some munted brick-face version of it put on display in your house like it’s Han Solo in carbonite propped up against a wall in Jabba’s palace.

Look at that sample LEGO mutt in the photo above, good god. There’s not a chance in hell any LEGO dog statue spends any longer than a week in a house before become the recipient of truly depraved levels of humping. You thought the dog trying to root the couch arm was bad, imagine trying to concentrate on The Chase while the dog ferociously tries to fuck itself?

The terms & conditions do not exclude any breed of dog from entering, but it’s fair to assume that a Great Dane would send the place bankrupt, so if anything larger than a plump Corgi wins this I’ll eat my hat.

Still, if you’re keen to get involved, all entries are being accepted via the comments on the above Facebook post. Good bloody luck to you.

Image: Facebook / LEGOLAND Discovery Centre