The one thing we love even more than tourists giving their opinions on rogue country hamlets is coming together as one to air particular grievances about our home towns and cities. The ability to absolutely shit-talk your home is a sacred privilege that is given only to those who live there, so as a Melbourne dweller it brought me great joy to see a bunch of people on Reddit discussing all the very Melbourne things that really piss everyone off.
Redditor u/john_eliz asked the question on Wednesday — he simply wanted to know what is something that triggers all Melburnians. The replies came in thick and fast as people shouted out various hyper-Melbourne qualms that had me nodding and mumbling “yeah that really is an annoying thing”.
One person hated the sound a Myki box makes when it rejects your card. God, amen to that. There’s nothing more frustrating than confidently walking up to the ticket gates at peak hour only to hear the “BDDT BDDT BDDT” of the reader denying you entry.
Another Redditor hated the entirety of East Richmond which I still refuse to believe exists as a place even though I walk past the station most days.
Another person simply said “Punt Road”. If you’ve ever tried to drive at any point along that feeder road between the city and the inner south, or been near that road, or even looked at the intersection of Swan and Punt then you’d understand.
This bit got me good though.
The only thing worse would be someone deciding to chuck a u-turn on Sydney Road in the middle of rush hour’s heavy traffic which I have absolutely seen happen on multiple occasions.
One Redditor took umbrage with people not utilising the courtesy wave when navigating some of the narrow streets around Melbourne’s inner suburbs. I cannot agree more, I’m a huge fan of the courtesy wave or the two-finger country salute when someone lets you merge or pass.
I actually had an awful thought recently: if we end up with fully automated self-driving cars, who will do the courtesy wave?
A lot of people replied with their lockdown-related trauma which took the conversation from “I hate people who straddle two lanes on the road” to “I can’t look at North Face jackets without feeling weird”.
I didn’t really think about how much everyone over the last couple of years has affected me but even just reading the words “as of 11.59pm tonight” sent a very cold shiver right up my spine.
And then someone finally came forward with the one thing we all love to hate.
Long live Monty, that unrelenting bitch.