If there’s one thing Australians love it’s attention. But if there’s one thing we Australians unequivocally hate it’s people giving us attention by way of their thoughts about our beloved home. One Redditor has bravely gone down that path to give her honest reviews of a few cities and towns after her first visit Down Under.

The Texan Redditor posted her big reviews in the r/australia subreddit after she and her husband holidayed in Australia in October. They spent three weeks here and visited spots such as Sydney, Melbourne and Port Lincoln in South Australia.

While her review was largely quite lovely, there were a couple of points where she inadvertently read us to filth.

She said overall there’s a “theme of environmentalism and conscientiousness” to Australia and she felt “so safe” here as opposed to her home of Austin, Texas.

“With tongue in cheek we chuckled that a convenience store holdup with a kitchen knife made national news,” she said.

“I envy that.”

Her read of Melbourne was pretty bang on.

“Everyone wears black puffy coats, lol,” she wrote.

“Your mass transit is a bit confusing at first, but we were grateful for it. I couldn’t understand how you are so close to such a beautiful coast but I didn’t see that reflected within your city/port.”

As someone who lives in the southern city, the fact she immediately picked up on our collective obsession with wearing black puffer jackets is so funny to me. And the shade about Melbourne CBD not having the slightest suggestion it’s spitting distance from a stunning coastline? Well, I can’t even be mad, it’s too true.

The pair went from Melb down to Warrnambool where the Redditor claimed she properly learned how to speak “Australian”.

Apparently we “talk lazy” which… yeah ok that checks out.

She said Mount Gambier felt like it was “trying to be something you’re not”, but stressed she meant that not in a “shitty way”.

“You felt like a town of people who grind and are salt of the earth, but the town around them is trying to be fancy,” she said.

“There are fascinating and charming historical buildings, but inside they’re full of glaring lights and modernities that seem to strip the soul of the building they’re in.”

Look, fair read on Mount Gambier tbh. It’s in South Australia and we all know that place is probably the home of the Hellmouth with all the cursed energy flying around there. Like, the pure fact this massive cave is literally underneath the town is terrifying to me and I do not wish to perceive it.

Thank you visiting Redditor for your thoughts on our humble existence down here on the other side of the world. We will discuss your eligibility to return at the next AGM at the pub.

Image: The Simpsons / FOX