The salacious story of Donald Trump and porn star Stormy Daniels truly has taken some thrilling twists and turns.
First, the Wall Street Journal alleges that Trump had an affair with Daniels, and that his lawyer paid her $130,000 to shut up about it while he was running for president. Both Trump and Daniels denied the affair, which allegedly took place in 2006 – while he was married to Melania Trump. Then news emerged that gossip rag InTouch had a 2011 interview with Daniels in which she confirmed the affair and how it happened – including the shocking affirmation that Trump is not great in the sack.
Now there’s more! Mother Jones has published emails between political operatives from back in 2009 who were advising Daniels on a possible political campaign where they discussed in lurid detail what Daniels had told them about the affair. Including – but not limited to! – the fact that… Trump apparently asked Daniels to spank him with Forbes magazine.
Not only that – it was apparently a Forbes magazine which featured Trump on the cover, making it the kind of self-aggrandising sex act you can only imagine Donald Trump being into. Mother Jones confirmed that there is indeed an autumn 2006 cover of Forbes with Trump and two of his children, Donald Jr. and Ivanka.
Also important is the fact that Trump is apparently obsessed with Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, which is possibly the most relatable thing about him. It’s like the incredibly fake Gorilla Channel meme is actually real, except its Shark Week. (Also, it could easily be false. But there seems to be a lot of circumstantial evidence to suggest this affair probably did take place.)
He’s expressed some shark-related opinions in the past, too:
Sorry folks, I’m just not a fan of sharks – and don’t worry, they will be around long after we are gone.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 4, 2013
Hatewatching Shark Week is insanely alpha. Getting spanked with Forbes magazine? Also alpha.
