Okay folks, let’s have a quick refresher of the one of the golden rules of Online: you simply can not believe everything you read, even if you really, really want to.
In these troubled, Trump-addled times, it’s exceptionally tempting to believe every nugget purporting to be evidence of the United States president’s incompetence, but friends, we must resist.
Because when people go around believing shit like this, it makes the entire human race look just… really fucking dumb.
Wow, this extract from Wolff’s book is a shocking insight into Trump’s mind: pic.twitter.com/1ZecclggSa
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) January 5, 2018
“Oh, please,” I hear you say. “This is clearly a well-executed gag. No-one could possibly believe that this was a true account of Donald Trump’s life in the White House as told by journalist Michael Wolff.”
To which I must sadly say: heaps of people believed exactly that.
https://twitter.com/Frederick987/status/949503207524503552
Honestly #realDonaldTrump if there was ever someone that should not have been allowed to procreate it is YOU! https://t.co/K52Gr7uhc6
— Leslie Bryant (@lesliekay1970) January 6, 2018
Whoa, this gorilla thing – which is 100% verified, because Wolff taped EVERYTHING – is grounds for impeachment in itself! https://t.co/rG8kQaW8ZO
— Dom Knight (@domknight) January 5, 2018
I literally did not realize at first that this was a joke. I mean, I did by the time I got to the end, but halfway through it I was still like “yeah, this seems perfectly plausible”.
Because let’s be real here. For the most part it does. https://t.co/a3GhpBfqx9
— Sunny Moraine (Preorder YOUR SHADOW HALF REMAINS!) (@dynamicsymmetry) January 5, 2018
So many people ran with the excerpt as truth, in fact, that the creator @pixelatedboat changed his display name to “the gorilla channel thing is a joke“.
Has this stopped people from doing the internet equivalent of banging their cutlery on the table and chanting “WE WANT THE GORILLA CHANNEL“?
Obviously, no.
[[Donald Trump in bed, leafing furiously through #FireAndFuryBook ]]
Trump: Dammit.
Trump: Dammit!
Trump: GODDAMMIT! HOPE!
Hope Hicks: Yes?
Trump: Why the fuck ISN’T there a Gorilla Channel?— Donald J Orwell (@DonaldJOrwell) January 5, 2018
Why are you spreading disinformation about the very good and real Gorilla Channel
— Big Normal Tim (just a Big Innocent Tim) (@bigmoneytim) January 5, 2018
┏┓
┃┃╱╲ in
┃╱╱╲╲ this
╱╱╭╮╲╲house
▔▏┗┛▕▔ we
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲
watch the gorilla channel and the gorilla channel only
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔— gabe bergado (@gabebergado) January 5, 2018
Staying up late to watch the tribute to Harambe on The Gorilla Channel. Should be a two-cheeseburger night.
— baf426 (@baf426) January 5, 2018
https://twitter.com/janejana/status/949359336853245952
The Gorilla Channel is actually what every other tv channel today evolved from. If you go back far enough, it all originated with the Gorilla Channel.
— Zach (@FormalHoodie) January 5, 2018
If the Gorilla Channel were real, I too would shamelessly binge watch it. Because I love America, OKAY?
— Daniel Wanke (@danielwanke) January 5, 2018
https://twitter.com/HealthUntoDeath/status/949360116872155137
nothing but respect for MY gorilla channel pic.twitter.com/8SUJQaeWme
— David Mack (@davidmackau) January 5, 2018
We just made the fake Trump Gorilla Channel a reality. Go bananas watching it here. https://t.co/0fokgdkUri
— VICE News (@VICENews) January 5, 2018
So no, beleaguered White House staffers did not hastily construct a transmission tower on the south lawn expressly to beam a cobbled-together montage of gorilla fights in to Donald Trump’s private quarters. And yes, confirmation bias and wilful credulity is rampant on all sides of politics.
But let’s focus on what’s really important: getting that damn Gorilla Channel onto our screens immediately. A real one. Netflix, are you paying attention? We want the gorillas! If they’re good enough for the US president, they’re good enough for the rest of us, dammit!
please stop calling our customer service hotline to ask if we have The Gorilla Channel
— Netflix (@netflix) January 6, 2018
WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED. GORILLA CHANNEL NOW.
