Turns Out Tassie’s Premier Has A Fucking Huge Panther Tattoo & That’s Quite The Second Head

Tasmanian Liberal Premier Peter Gutwein is a lot of things. A hopeless patsy for the Federal Group’s gambling stranglehold on state political discourse, sure. A deeply weird dude who recently suggested that questions about calling an election date that will be mere weeks short of opposition leader Rebecca White giving birth were “questions you should put to her,” absolutely. But one thing that hadn’t been revealed about him until today was the fact that he has, would you believe, a truly big ass panther tattoo on his right arm.

Gutwein received his first dose of the AstraZeneca COVID vaccination today, with local news cameras present to capture the moment as various efforts to restore faith in the jab continue.

But as one does when one gets the prick, up came Gutwein’s sleeve. And there, for all to see, was the thumping big panther taking up prime real estate on his right bicep.

Get a bloody load of that, would you. It gets even more hectic when you zoom in.

Christ alive that is a big, ripped-as-shit panther.

Now, the story goes that Gutwein’s arm cat has something to do with the fact the black belt in Taekwondo that he very legitimately has. And that legend has it there’s a similar panther crawling up his left arm as well.

If that confirmation weren’t enough, Gutwein himself confirmed the martial arts connection thanks to, god damn it, his brand new TikTok account.

The handle of which is “@Papi_G”.

Because of course it is.

How do you do fellow et ceteras?

Of course the real question now begs: Which other state leaders are sporting secret tough stickers? Which Premiers and Chief Ministers have felt the kiss from the inkman’s blade?

Until such time as everyone else decides to hoik the sleeve up and erase all doubt, the only thing we can do is wildly speculate. So wildly speculate we shall!

Here’s what we think:

  • Dan Andrews has a small tattoo on his ass commemorating Essendon’s 1993 AFL Premiership
  • Mark McGowan has barbed wire somewhere on his person. Closed borders and all that.
  • Steven Marshall is as bare skinned as the day he entered the world, and still gets growled at by Mum if comes home with so much as a pen mark on him.
  • Annastacia Palaszczuk is also a clean skin, but could just as easily have a Polish eagle on the shoulderblade.
  • Andrew Barr has a full half-sleeve that very tactically ends above the hem line of your average short-sleeved business shirt.
  • Michael Gunner has a weed leaf on him. I have absolutely no evidence to back this up. It’s just something I feel deep in my bones.
  • Gladys Berejiklian is the true wildcard in the bunch. Could be anything. Could be nothing. Could be a full-back flaming dragon. You wouldn’t know. There’s literally no way to tell.

Anyway, there’s that. Back to his regularly scheduled Liberal Party program of selling Tasmania’s soul to the gaming industry I guess.