‘Anyone Recognise This Cretin?’: Sydney Has Been Hit By Another Mystery Midnight Poo Jogger

Australia, we are delighted to tell you that we are once again in the grips of a mystery midnight pooper. It’s back! Like the painfully dense turd you can’t quite flush, the public poopers just keep floating back to the top. Today’s story has all the best elements: an influential suburb, a Facebook group, and CCTV footage of the defendant, caught in flagranti. Let’s drop in.

It all began when a Sydney resident discovered a poo behind a car in the affluent Balmain area, only to realise the culprit had been caught red handed by CCTV.

Yep, in typically grainy security camera footage akin to a Bigfoot sighting, the man was caught in the act squatting down behind a Mini Cooper shortly before 6am on Saturday.

The Sydney resident shared the CCTV screenshot to a local Facebook page, along with a photo of the crime scene itself.

They said the man was caught on a friend’s security camera and was asking for help to identify the “cretin”. Locals responded saying the act was “disgusting”, while others joked, dubbing the suburb “bowelmain,”, and that he “puts the Brisbane poo jogger to shame”.

The post has since been deleted, leaving us in the dark. Did they identify the Balmain poo jogger? Why was the post taken down? And why, for the love of all that is holy, do the words “poo jogger” get published in Australia on an alarmingly regular basis?

It’s definitely not Australia’s first run in with a phantom pooper. In 2021, a jogger was caught defecating in front of a house in Sydney’s Leichhardt, and there’s also the Brisbane poop jogger, who pooped at least 30 times on a private path before being photographed by frustrated locals armed with a night vision camera. In fact, poo joggers are so common in Australia that we’ve even gone ahead and ranked them.

What is it with joggers?

And of course, let’s not forget the infamous Coogee Bay poo, when a family were served human poop in their gelato, in a news story that continues to shake Australia to its core.

As for the latest case, New South Wales Police told media that while the matter has not been officially reported, they would encourage anyone with information to come forward.