IDC If Experts Know Why Half A Shark Washed Up On A Vic Beach, I’m Still Never Swimming Again

The torn-in-half carcass of a great white shark washed up on Victoria’s coast today, resulting in images so frightening you wish they were generated by AI. Thankfully, marine experts are confident they can solve the crime. Strap in all who are weak of heart. This one’s straight up a horror story.

Estimated to be about 3m long, the body of the apex predator shark laid flat on the sand, hollowed out like a sock puppet.

It’s like the playground joke goes: “What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.” Except in this case the worm is a great white shark, and the apple is the entire ocean, and my teeth do not match the bite marks.

Found on the beach at Cape Bridgewater, west of Portland by residents taking what they hoped would be a nightmare-fuel-free stroll on Tuesday morning. Alas, we can’t always have what we want.

Now we know why you’re here.

You’ve clicked this article because you saw the photo of a great white shark that got RIPPED IN HALF, and now you’re going to have nightmares about terrifying colossal ocean behemoths until you know what happened.

I don’t blame you. I was scared of Bruce from Finding Nemo when I first saw it, and when I last saw it. Bruce is a horrifying guy, and whatever could tear him in two and eats his insides is something I don’t want to imagine.

Thankfully, experts seem to have a comfortingly non-supernatural explanation for this event. Which is nice because now it means you only need to be scared of things that do exist, rather than unknown horrors beyond comprehension.

According to researchers who were nearby a few days before, a pod of killer whales were seen swimming nearby, meaning that the marine detectives were given a likely suspect.

Motive and MO were a lot easier to deduce. Killer whales have been known to feed on sharks, and when hunting in a pack it’s not at all surprising they were able to take down a solo great white.

Even the feeding pattern is consistent with behaviours usually exhibited by killer whales, who have been known to be “picky eaters” and often eat large prey’s insides, resulting in the eerie hollow carcass.

Well there you go! Now don’t you feel better? What we thought was a gargantuan bane of sharks is nothing more than a group of picky orcas having spot of lunch. Nothing left to fear!

I think to detox I am going to take some time to relax at home and watch a nice calming family movie. Something really unrelated that won’t make me think about how scary the ocean is…


Mick Fanning save me please.

Image credit: Facebook / Portland Bait and Tackle.