In true messy binch energy, Prime Minister Scott Morrison appears to have told yet another lie, only to be immediately refuted by Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese, and now the two are in a spat over… text messages. It’s all gloriously cringe in the way messy TikTok is, so of course we’re diving right in.

Morrison was getting absolutely rinsed by a Labor MP earlier today when he dropped the very spicy claim that he actually informed Albanese he was going on his infamous secret Hawaii trip during the 2019/2020 bushfires.

Labor MP Fiona Phillips asked Morrison: “When my electorate was burning, the Prime Minister’s office told journalists he was not on holiday in Hawaii. Why did the Prime Minister’s office say that when it wasn’t true?”

In a characteristically boisterous response, Morrison said he “can only speak to what I have said.” Which is funny because quite a lot of what he says is not true. But then, he added that he told Anthony Albanese where he was going.

“As the Leader of the Opposition will know, because I texted him from the plane when I was going on that leave, and told him where I was going and he was fully aware of where I was travelling with my family,’’ he said, per News.com.au.

Ummm, excuse me?!

If you’re wondering why that’s a big deal, it’s because no one fucking knew were Scott Morrison went for several days, and his office refused to confirm or deny if he was on leave. It was suss as fuck.

Albanese refuted Morrison’s bombshell right after Question Time, denying he knew of the Hawaii trip.

“The Prime Minister said that, to quote him, ‘I texted him from the plane when I was going on that leave and told him where I was going,’” he said.

“Mr Speaker that is not true. On the 15th of December 2019, at 9:44pm, the Prime Minister did text me saying he was going on leave,’’ Albanese said.

“He did not tell me where he was going. He said he was going with his family. I kept that text message confidential, as you do with private text messages between private phones. And on Friday, he disclosed in an interview with 2GB that he had texted me and that was the first time that became public.

“But at no stage did he tell me where he was going.”

Well, Morrison immediately defended himself, casually changing a key detail of his story.

“Where I was going was on leave! And that was the important thing,’’ he said.

Umm, no, Hawaii is definitely the important thing here. And I’m pretty sure the implication of the earlier comments was specific to location, hence the use of the word “where”. But okay.

“He knew I was taking leave, Mr Speaker. I told him I was taking leave. And he chose to politicise that and has done so ever since.”

It’s that last bit that’s hilarious to me. Of course Anthony Albanese dragged Morrison for going on leave during a national crisis! It’s his job as Opposition Leader! And honestly, the fact that he didn’t leak Morrison’s absence is a bizarre kindness that our PM does not deserve.

Albanese claimed in a presser that the reason he kept the interaction private was because of “integrity”, which is ridiculous considering we, the public, are the ones he actually owes integrity to. By telling us our PM has fucked off in our time of need. But no, both these men are idiots.

Anyway, Morrison then ended up back-pedalling, which is an improvement to straight up lying like he usually does.

“I want to confirm what the Leader of the Opposition said, that in that text I did not tell him the destination of where I was going on leave with my family,” he said.

“I simply communicated to him that I was taking leave. When I was referring to he knew where I was going and was fully aware I was travelling with my family, what I meant was that we were going on leave together.

“I know I didn’t tell him where we were going, because that is a private matter, where members take leave. And I know I didn’t tell him the destination, nor would I.”

Okay, well, this account is inconsistent with previous claims and also now no longer relevant to the answer Fiona Phillips was after, but at least we’ve had our daily dose of messy drama that makes us feel better about ourselves. From our country’s leaders. You either laugh or cry, right?