In the latest instalment of our ongoing series, “don’t go into the water, ever, even if you’re on fire“, north-easterly winds have brought a plague of bluebottles to Queensland beaches, with more than 2,000 people stung over the weekend. 

Over 2,000 Queenslanders Stung By Bluebottles In One Very Painful Weekend

The Sunshine Coast copped its worst stinger weekend in recent memory, with 1,504 people stung. The Gold Coast contributed another 914 victims – and that’s only at surf lifesaver-patrolled beaches. 

Surf Life Saving Queensland surf communications co-ordinator Tim Wilson spoke to the ‘Brisbane Times’ about the unusual season of pain. 

It’s been a pretty heavy year for the stingers. Last year we didn’t have many stings. The year before there was probably the odd day when you’d maybe get 200 stings for the day, and that was probably one day out of the whole summer. But yeah, nothing like 700 in one day. That hasn’t happened for a few years at least.

The wave of Bad Time Sea Bags coincides with yet another crocodile ruining the lives of north Queenslanders. Mission Beach, a popular swimming spot south of Innisfail, had to be closed over the weekend after locals spotted a croc swimming out to sea, presumably to escape the incoming tide of irukandji. 

All of which – the bluebottles, the irukandji, the crocodiles, the multitude of snakes trying to crawl into bed with us, and the heatwaves that are genuinely trying to kill us – combines to make a pretty strong case for 2017 being the year in which we Space X the hell up and get the hell off the planet, because it clearly doesn’t want us here. 

Source: Brisbane Times.

Image: Jack Reynolds / Getty.