People in Melbourne no doubt harbour fond memories of the time the city was overrun by bright yellow O-Bikes: The bike sharing service that existed purely for citizens to place bikes in trees, on top of bus shelters, or hurl them off the end of St Kilda pier into the bay. The service may have exited the Victorian capital stage left a good little while ago, but its many cousins live on in cities around the world, like the rideshare scooter service currently plugging up the streets of Washington D.C.. But now, those two-wheeled menaces have apparently made a very powerful enemy. And his name? John Mulaney.
[jwplayer pNGRQc4W]
Mulaney does not like the scooters, operated by various companies including Uber, which now reportedly dot the streets of the US capitol like discarded burger wrappers. He does not like them one little bit. And he’s not afraid to let them know about it.
The extremely funny man tore the scooters to pieces in an Instagram Story rant overnight after a suit-wearing boomer nearly ran over his sweet and quite famous dog, Petunia, while riding one.
The searing diatribe took aim at the scooters with the kind of sizzling profanity only Mulaney is capable of.
Oh shit.
‘Course while the streets of D.C. might be getting clogged up with the two-wheeled bastards, crisis and opportunity remain two sides of the same coin.
May we, the kind people of Melbourne, suggest simply flinging them into your nearest public water source?
Or, if you’re feeling adventurous, stockpiling a bunch of them so you can recreate scenes from famous movies?
At the very least, stop trying to run over John Mulaney’s dog.
Petunia is a gift, god damn it.
Protect her.
