Comedian John Mulaney has hopped on Saturday Night Live to host the American comedy show for the fifth time. During his hosting stint, however, he took the opportunity to joke about his visit to rehab.
Jumping on the mic to flex his comedic genius, Mulaney based his entire skit around how he “broke up” with his drug dealer after he got out of rehab.
Mulaney checked into rehab for drug and alcohol use after remaining sober for 15 years in December of 2020. According to an exclusive from Page Six, the writer and comedian spent 60 days in the Pennsylvania rehabilitation facility.
“Since I last hosted, different things have happened. In December (2020), I went to dinner at a friend’s apartment. But it was not dinner. It was an intervention for me — my least favourite kind of intervention,” he said.
“When I walked into my intervention, I knew right away that it was an intervention.”
“Do you know how big of a drug problem you have to have if you open a door and see people gathered, and your first thought is, ‘This is probably an intervention about my drug problem?’”
John Mulaney’s Monologue! pic.twitter.com/STa7blLH53
— Saturday Night Live – SNL (@nbcsnl) February 27, 2022
Mulaney then touched upon how he reached out to his drug dealer for one last text without expecting him to respond at all.
“It’s called ‘breaking up with your drug dealer.’ I texted my main dealer, Arvin — I shouldn’t have said his name, but that’s OK, you don’t know him,” he said.
“I said, ‘Hey, I’m deleting and blocking you. I’m sober now, I’m never gonna buy drugs again.
“But I’m really polite, so I didn’t know how to end the text, so I said, ‘But thank you, for all the nights that became days and your inspired professionalism.’
“Before I can delete and block him, he texts me back and goes, ‘Hey, I’m so proud of you. I’m so happy that you got sober. You know, I only bought drugs to sell to you, because I was worried about you, and I didn’t want you to get worse stuff off the streets.’”
Damn, that’s actually kinda touching. Drug dealer of the year?
Mulaney then revealed that via the process of texting his drug dealer Arvin, he discovered that he wasn’t actually a drug dealer before he met him.
“So, I text him back, and go, ‘You sweet man. You only bought drugs to sell to me? Did you sell drugs to other people?’” said Mulaney.
“He said, ‘No, I’m a painter. We talked about this.’ Ladies and gentlemen, I have no idea how I know this person. So I texted him, ‘How did it come to be — that you sold me drugs?’
“There are many tales of drug dealers turning innocent people into drug addicts, but I might be the first drug addict to turn an innocent man into a drug dealer.”
Mulaney and Olivia Munn welcomed their new bb Malcolm Hiệp Mulaney in December 2021, and we bloody love to see how happy he is lately.
