The Jeff Bezos Dick Rocket Prematurely Ejacu— Exploded

jeff bezos dick rocket exploded

Billionaire without a soul Jeff Bezos‘ cock rocket splooged exploded mid-air after experiencing some complications with its erection propellant. Nobody was onboard.

It’s no secret that every billionaire wants to leave this planet behind so they can become emperor of the galaxy, but those ambitions are pointless if none of their rockets can actually make it into space.

Bezos’ rocket company Blue Origin launched the dick rocket into the sky as part of the New Shepard program. Just to jot your noggin, the New Shepard rockets are the ones he’s been doing 10-minute space tours with.

This flight here was probably just a test, as it was done using a rocket designed to hold nothing but experiments.

The capsule with the experiments in it can be seen ejaculating separating from the main shaft rocket once things go awry. It then parachutes itself to the ground and… lands with a huge slam. I’m pretty sure if a human was in that escape pod they’d just shatter like a LEGO character.

Then again what do I know, I haven’t even watched Interstellar yet.

You can watch the vid for yourself here:

“It appears we’ve experienced an anomaly with today’s flight. This wasn’t planned,” the launch commentary reportedly said on Monday.

The Federal Aviation Administration reported that there were no injuries or damages caused by the rocket exploding.

I feel like an escape pod full of experiments might have a safer time than a human body, but again, what do I know? I haven’t even seen The Mandalorian.

Something tells me there’s going to be a few rich people sweating in their Armani boots before they take to the skies in a Bezos rocket.

Could we maybe be using our money to fix this dying planet we’re on instead of trying so desperately to leave it? No? Alright. Keep making dick rockets.