Nearly 10,000 people have signed a petition to deny Jeff Bezos re-entry to Earth after he completes his weird dream of flinging himself into space. It’s so nice seeing humanity unite against evil forces.

The petition, which was launched six days ago on Change.org, is titled ‘Petition To Not Allow Jeff Bezos Re-Entry To Earth’, and has 9,450 signatures at the time of publishing.

It’s addressed to Blue Origin –  the rocket launch firm founded by our billionaire overlord Jeff Bezos, who is yeeting himself into the unknown from whence he came.

“Jeff Bezos is actually Lex Luthor, disguised as the supposed owner of a super successful online retail store,” the petition says in its extremely chaotic description. And yes, it gets wilder.

“However, he’s actually an evil overlord hellbent on global domination. We’ve known this for years.

Jeff has worked with the Epsteins and the Knights Templar, as well as the Free Masons to gain control over the whole world.  He’s also in bed with the flat earth deniers; it’s the only way they’ll allow him to leave the atmosphere. Meanwhile our government stands by and lets it happen.

This may be our last chance before they enable the 5G microchips and perform a mass takeover.”

Well… that was a lot. I mean, Jeff Bezos is definitely of similar lizard-man variety to the Zucc, but that’s probably where my conspiracies end.

ICYMI: Jeff Bezos is traversing into space, for reasons I don’t fully understand but am happy to support.

Bezos, and the three other space tourists including his brother, will launch themselves up to 62 miles above the Earth’s surface on their rocket called ‘The New Shepherd’. I’m convinced this is the billionaire version of a midlife crisis, like when your dad suddenly becomes obsessed with getting a motorbike license. Except Jeff Bezos will man a rocket. Because money, I guess.

The distance of their flight is 62 miles specifically because this is supposed to be the boundary between Earth’s atmosphere and outer space, but NASA reckons that’s actually 50 miles above the surface so idk. After they reach maximum height, the rocket is supposed to deploy a parachute and bob its way down to Earth.

Bezos and his fleet (lol) will launch on July 20, because it’s the 52nd anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing, blah blah blah. Tradition, we get it. All we can hope is that Earth’s defences recognise a threat when they see one, and act accordingly.