Here’s a sentence I hoped I would never write, clutching my pearls and shrieking like a 72-year-old conservative socialite: a scooter gang has taken over the Brisbane CBD.

OK, they haven’t fully taken it over Mad Max dirtpunk style. But a horde of shrieking teenagers on scooters did in fact clash with cops in Brissy yesterday arvo, and Channel Nine have obtained footage of the absolute scenes:

Police made arrests, including of Instagram celebrity Jack Dauth, who seemingly helped organise the event, which circulated on social media under the name Brisbane Scooter Jam.

Basically, a huge group of kids of scooters shot through the city and Fortitude Valley at about 1:45pm yesterday. Here’s some more video of the truly, truly baffling event:

'Scooter gang' clashes with police in Brisbane

WILD SCENES: Violence erupted in Brisbane today after hundreds of kids on kick scooters invaded the city and clashed with police.It's understood the "street jam" was promoted to more than 150,000 people on Instagram. DETAILS HERE: http://bit.ly/2xe7TYaVIDEOS: Leo Da Freud; 7 News Brisbane; 9 News Queensland

Posted by Gold Coast Weather & News Together on Sunday, 22 October 2017

As you can hear, a number of kids are chanting “FREE JACK” – clearly in reference to Dauth. A scan of Dauth’s Instagram – which I am not familiar with, as I rarely if ever engage with the teenage scooter scene – shows that this dude certainly loves a scooter or two.

“It got out of control as soon as people were on the road. I knew it was wrong, that we shouldn’t be on the road,” Dauth said, according to Nine.

Apparently, the number of scooter youths exceeded even the wildest expectations, leading to what I can only assume was a massive uptick in old people shaking their fists and yelling “geddouttahere, ya punks!”

The report on the event in the Brisbane Times contains truly my favourite line in any report ever about the mass arrest of scooter kids:

Police are liaising with parents who have been arriving at Kangaroo Point to collect their children.

Bless.

Image: Channel Nine