Fuck This Strawberry Pizza, Fuck Everything About It, Delete It At Once

Seldom has there been a topic of discussion more divisive among the masses than that of pineapple on pizza, and whether it is a delicious treat for champions or the Devil’s anus consumed solely by psychopaths. The gap between the two sides is wide and seemingly insurmountable. Only a truly vile creation could conceivably unite the two bitter rivals. Like… say… STRAWBERRIES ON PIZZA.

Yes, for reasons that we can only assume to be wholly evil, that is a photo of someone’s actual meal of a pizza that has had SLICED FUCKING STRAWBERRIES baked into it.

That’s strawberries, the fruit. Not a compote or any sort of light syrup stirred into the sauce. The actual fruit. Sliced raw. Placed onto a non-dessert pizza.

Underneath the cheese.

This isn’t even a kitchen misstep or piece of experimentation gone wrong, this is a deliberate choice of ingredient either cooked or ordered by someone and consumed in full knowledge and proclaimed thereafter as “good.”

It is some absolute rank Jon-Benet-Ramsey’s-murderous-brother-would-eat-this bullshit. It is unholy. It is not of this earth. And it is getting the dragging of a lifetime by baffled punters on Twitter.







It’s not the strawberry and cheese combo that’s necessarily odd – fruits and cheese go together like gangbusters on a platter.

But my god, MY GOD, the idea of baking them on a bed of standard dough and pizza sauce. It’s just… It’s… I can’t…

Suddenly, the whole war over pineapple on pizza doesn’t seem quite as dire.

Common foes, friends. They make for strange bedfellows.