Donald Trump’s “Fake News Awards” Are Here & They’re Predictably Petty

Here we bloody go. President Donald Trump, he of the tiny hands and incredibly fragile ego, has finally gifted unto the world his “Fake News Awards,” a thing which promised great things in theory, but in practice has turned into what essentially boils down to a half-baked blog post written from the Cheeto dust-covered fingers of the genuinely insane.

Trump’s been blustering about the Fake News Awards for quite some time on Twitter, promising to highlight – or award, if you will – the many grievances he has with any news outlet who dares to cover him negatively, neutrally, with any sort of critical bent, or indeed anyone who refuses to sing his praises blindly and suckle upon thine Presidential teat.

While careful, considered criticism of the media itself is forever a good thing – without checks and balances the whole thing loses all meaning, after all – Trump’s list of “awards” is a predictable mess of blustering, falsities, and utterly insane gripes at a media core that he’s virtually hung his Presidency on constantly attacking.

The GOP website where the blog post was hosted almost instantly caved in on itself upon its release earlier today, but thanks to the magic of the Web Archive, we are able to read what was contained within.

Among the eleven points raised in the posting (seriously, it reads like something you’d find on a virus-riddled Blogspot page), issues of crowd size, election wins, and hand shaking abound. Quintessential Trump pissing-and-moaning, really.

There’s a gripe about a New York Times report that contains reference to Trump’s oft-repeated claim of a “landslide” election victory, one that’s repeatedly been proven false.

There’s an extremely pissy rebuke of a Washington Post report regarding crowd size at a rally in in Florida.

Further on, there’s a swipe at Newsweek over a report concerning the Polish First Lady and a supposed snubbed handshake.

And finally, for what must be the millionth time now, there’s the assertion that the Trump campaign had absolutely no communication with Russia and that it barely even knows what a Russia is to begin with.

But the weirdest one of all – the one that really pushes this from a head-scratching oddity to the unhinged ramblings of the most Not Mad™ person in history – is this barb aimed at CNN, in which President Trump would very much like everyone to know that he DID NOT deliberately overfeed a fish.

There’s no question that not every report made by American media in regards to Trump is accurate and above board, and of the reports he singled out in this post some were legitimately retracted later on.

But if this is the kind of subject material that’s making him truly furious, then good lord…

If you’re feeling particularly sadomasochistic, you can cop the entire Fake News Awards – in which not one actual award is handed out – via this link.