Civilisation Collapses After A VIC Bunnings Tried Slinging Vegan Snags

People tend to get real weird about veganism and vegetarianism, and there’s definitely fault on both sides. Meat eaters will tell you that vegans are obnoxious monsters who can’t help but proselytise with every waking moment, while vegans will tell you that meat eaters are obnoxious monsters who can’t help but rant for hours at a time about bacon because you decided to quietly opt out of eating the rissoles at dinner. It’s an ancient war that has been going on for, well, probably not all that long actually. But it sucks.
Usually, this war is confined to either the comments of completely unrelated YouTube videos or tense family dinners, but it has found a new battleground in one of the most sacred cultural spaces in modern Australia: the Bunnings parking lot. 
That’s right, someone had the temerity and the tenacity to sell vegan sausages to unsuspecting hardware-store-goers and it went just about as well as you would expect (not very).
As cat rescues are wont to do, Cheltenham Cat Rescue took their meat-free snags to Mentone Bunnings in Melbourne on Mother’s Day, receiving a very mixed reaction, founder Natasha Reus told
“I think maybe some people were disappointed to come to Bunnings ready to buy a sausage and it’s not the traditional fare — some people were a bit angry, we had the odd Oscar-winning performance but most people asked questions and many gave them a try.

“One woman in particular was very upset and very rude. I think she complained to Bunnings.”
Apparently, the distaste was strong enough to warrant a radio interview, with one customer telling 3AW that she was alarmed to see it:
“We were a little shocked, considering it’s probably one of the most male-dominated destinations in the country.

“We were like’Thank you, but no thank you.’”

If I follow the logic there correctly, only women are vegans? Not sure about that one.

While, to some, it might seem like a crime against Australia’s deeply ingrained tradition of eating the assholes and eye jelly of at least one species of farm animal when buying sandpaper, it is apparently not illegal, nor is it against Bunnings policy, according to state operations manager Tony Manzone (amazing surname):
“Since their inception the guidelines have been consistent. Meat sausages, onions and bread. This has not changed.

“However, in recent years, and on a case-by-case basis, we also allow community groups to have a vegan fundraising sausage sizzle if that is their preference, which is supported by appropriate customer signage. In addition, our cafes provide vegetarian and other options for customers if required.”
The Cheltenham Cat Rescue’s logic for why they chose to be such incredible mavericks was, admittedly, quite solid:
“We explained we were an animal rescue group so couldn’t sell animals to eat and so people had to think about that.”
All in all, they sold veggo sausages to 550 people and raised $1,300, which is not to be sniffed at. 
Here’s a tip: you probably won’t die if you eat a veggo sausage, some brands are actually pretty good and you can just smother the ones that aren’t in sauce and onions. It’s a gold coin, you’ll be right. 
Photo: Parks and Recreation.