A thick and girthy “polar surge” is primed and ready to fuck the shit out of the southmost parts of our country. Get ready you horndogs, it’s about to get wet.

According to Sky News Weather’s incredibly horny graph, some icy weather is coming to flurry Australia’s south and sprinkle some slushy liquids onto our unsuspecting heads. Hey, as long as Queen Australia is getting hers, who am I to complain?

While the polar surge is positively drilling into Australia like there’s no tomorrow, it is predicted we will receive some heavy rain, damaging wind and even some fkn snow.

The southern parts of Western Australia and most of South Australia are expected to the lashed the hardest with some watery days. Meanwhile, a couple of harsh winds are expected to blow right through Tasmania.

NSW and Victoria may feel the full throttle of the polar surge with some hail and thunder, but it isn’t likely.

“This is a big one,” said Sky News Weather’s Meteorologist Tom Saunders, almost with the full knowledge that his company had produced the horniest weather graph ever seen.

“It’s a major cold outbreak that will sweep across the southeast of the nation early next week.

“We’re likely to have severe weather warnings for damaging wind gusts for parts of the coast and the ranges during that period,” he said.

Let’s not forget that on top of all of this disastrous weather pounding us from below, we’ve also got a triple-dip La Niña coming for the rest of us. And yes, that’s its official scientific name. Triple fkn dip.

“It’s a very wintry weather pattern with strong westerly winds and widespread showers,” said Saunders.

“And, it’s not just rain.

“There’ll be snow and some heavy snow developing in the alps and dropping below 1000m on Tuesday.”

Frosty Girl Winter could be upon us sooner than we expected, so rug up and get cozy.

Who knows, you might still stumble upon the cold-season hunk of your dreams that’ll give you your own polar surge.

If he looks anything like Martin Short as Jack Frost in The Santa Clause 3 then my Great Australian Bussy is open for heavy showers.

Image: Sky News Weather