Time to grab your warm blankies, make yourself a cuppa and turn the heater to max, it looks like most of Australia is about to be covered in a callous frost. Hope you’re not tired of living through unprecedented times friends, ‘cos it’s about to get colder than the souls of men out there.

According to our friends the Binches of Meteorology (BoM), south-east Australia is getting ready to become a penguin’s playground. Sub-zero temperatures are on the way and I for one would like my nips to remain soft, thanks.

“We are expecting a return of very cold mornings with minimum temperatures expected to drop to four to eight degrees below average from Tuesday onwards across large parts of Victoria, Tasmania … parts of New South Wales and eastern South Australia,” BoM’s Senior Meteorologist Miriam Bradbury told The Guardian.

“Widespread frost is expected with possibly severe frost across some inland parts where temperatures are likely to drop below -2 degrees.”

Somebody get my ex on the phone, he’d love frigid, icy temperatures like this!

Snow levels in Hobart have already reached around 750 metres. Meanwhile, the temperature has hit a frosty low of 8C, which is reportedly 5C lower than what the city usually faces at this time of year.

Folks online have even started calling the place Snowbart. Mainly because it’s too cold outside to be a ho.

“In far southern parts of Tasmania snow flurries were also observed at sea level,” Bradbury said.

But fear not Hobartians, you’re not alone in feeling frostier than St. Nick’s jockstrap. The cold is reportedly moving towards our friends in Victoria, NSW and SA to give them a sumptuous snowy surprise. God, I sound like the weather’s Nigella.

“These very cold nights may even extend to Central Australia by Wednesday and Thursday morning as well,” Bradbury said.

I for one am ready to brave the cold. If I start convincing myself that I’m a polar bear, maybe I can psyche myself out of feeling the frost. That or I turn into a furry. We’ll see which way the wind blows!

Melburnians can expect temperatures of around 11C or colder, which is icier than normal.

All seven citizens of the ACT however are getting blasted by below-zero temperatures. Maybe check on them please, they’re freezing to death AND living in Australia’s most boring city. That would suck!

New South Welshmen, I’m sorry to say but it’s going to keep on raining as well as getting colder thanks to the polar frost. Maybe it’s time to move to Melbourne.