Tom Morello of RATM Used to Be An Exotic Dancer

Holy Balls on Parade! In a candid interview with NME, Rage Against The Machine guitarist Tom Morello revealed that dire financial circumstances once forced him to work as an exotic dancer. It’s a shocking revelation, yes, but it might also explain his chest-high guitar playing style? So patrons could get a clear view of his Renegades Of Junk (too easy). Teste-fy y’all, G-Banger Radio, turn that shit up. Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me (unless you slip a dollar bill into my He-String). Shall I go on? Yeah? Hell, if someone’s got a spare million lying around, Morello might be coaxed into stripping for old time’s sake at the Big Day Out Lilypad. Potential billings include Rage Against The Pants, The Nutwatchmen or Whoredioslave.

Says Morello: “When I graduated from Harvard and moved to Hollywood, I was unemployable. I was literally starving, so I had to work menial labour and, at one point, I even worked as an exotic dancer. †Brick House’ [by The Commodores] was my jam! I did bachelorette parties and I’d go down to my boxer shorts. Would I go further? All I can say is thank god it was in the time before YouTube! You could make decent money doing that job – people do what they have to do.”