For the past eight-or-so years, we follow a pretty strict tradition in our household. Dad’s one of those people who can guess what you buy him just from feeling the wrapping (bloody sorcery), so we’ve given up trying altogether. Now we just let him buy something, usually golf related, and say it’s from us.
Safe to say – without delving too deeply into childhood trauma – that the magic surrounding Father’s Day is as non-existent as your 22nd birthday when ageing stops being an accomplishment and starts becoming a sad reminder that you ain’t getting any younger.
Regardless, I think it’s about time we began to make more of an effort, and these gift ideas could very well inject that touch of old-school excitement into Father’s Day again. Maybe. Anecdotally speaking, dads across the board are pretty unimpressed with everything.
1. A Straight-Up Footy Membership
Okay so your dad most likely already has an AFL membership and if that’s the case, you best get creative. I suggest calling up and cancelling your dad’s membership first, waiting by the letterbox to receive the cancellation letter and then giving that one to him first.
When he reads that his membership has been terminated, that’s when you swoop in with the new membership and bam – excitement city. Keep in mind, this could also result in a pretty intense family argument so ensure your dad has a ripper sense of humour first.
Suss out membership prices here.
2. That Liquid Gold
If you want to up your game and avoid the run-of-the-mill slab which will probably prompt a half-hearted “thanks”, go down the spirits route instead. It gives you a chance to flex that liquor knowledge and your dad might even crack an approving smile.
First, you have to narrow down the search. Is your dad a whisky drinker? Of course he is, all dads are. Play it safe and go for something like the Glenfiddich 12 for about 60 bucks, a wise move as not one dad alive has turned out a single malt. Plus, folks love an award-winning drop and this baby has them by the bucketload.
Or, if you’ve been a hot mess over the past year, splurge for the new limited edition Glenfiddich Winter Storm. It’s about $350 but oh boy, even if you ‘accidentally’ sold your dad’s car a week prior to Father’s Day, I guarantee you’ll be in the clear.
Check out all the options at Dan Murphy’s, which you can conveniently order online if you simply refuse to use up your lunch break on the man that helped birth you. Ungrateful asshole.
3. Literally Anything From Bunnings
If Bunnings ever closed down, I’d assume every dad would spontaneously combust out of sheer horror. It’s their bread and butter (which you can conveniently also buy at Bunnings to house a mean sausage) but it’s also a fave fallback for slack kids.
Now, because Bunnings is usually a home away from home for 90% of people over 40, you might be hard-pressed to find something that your dad doesn’t already have. I did stumble across quite the unique pressie though – a Heston Blumenthal CUBE. It looks like an esky but it’s actually a fancy portable BBQ. It is a pretty exy $197 so if you have siblings I suggest leeching some money out of them too.
4. Your Netflix & Stan Password
Ideally, your folks aren’t completely across this whole streaming service situation. More specifically, they’re not familiar that you can usually share your own Netflix or Stan account with a couple of chums, or, unsuspecting dads.
This is perfect if you’re quite skint, as you’re still opening your old man’s peepers up to the big wide world of binge-watching without having to break the bank. Just try to keep your dad’s head in the sand so he’ll never figure out your masterful, admittedly povo present scheme.
5. The Ever-Faithful Concert Ticket
After perusing Ticketek, I found two bands touring later this year which dads Oz-wide tend to froth over. Hell, they’d probably give up a night of slothing about on the couch just to see them.
Queens of the Stone Age will be yelling at crowds in Australian stadiums from the 30th of August, while Bon Jovi are slated to perform a four-date run at the start of December. If that’s not an absolute gift and a half for your dad then I’m out of ideas (or they have a broader taste in music than I gave them credit for).
Grab tix for QOTSA here and/or Bon Jovi here.
And if you’re looking for Christmas gifts for your nerdy mates, we’ve got a list just for you.
