Philosopher Confucius once said, “You literally spend half of your life on the sofa.” Okay, he definitely didn’t, but we do spend a lot of time on the couch, okay? Whether it be bingeing the latest show, having a tea with a friend or fitting in a cheeky nap, the lounge is literally the staple of every household.
Having a couch also comes with the various stereotypical couch personalities that we all know and love. I’ve concocted some character profiles based on nothing but my imagination to explore 5 common types.
You’ll definitely be able to connect each type with someone in your BFF group chat right now. Let’s dive in.
Marcel. Was meant to stay on your couch for a week while he found his feet. It’s now been 7 years, he’s never changed his clothes and has cleaned a total of 3 mugs during his stay. A real keeper. Bit smelly. Change your ways, Marcel.
Penelope. Spends an entire couch session with an impeccable posture. Someone who you accidentally get stuck with in a one-on-one conversation at a house party and struggle to detach from. Has a fixed gaze. May not be human. Penelope, are you a robot, sis?
Crystal. Will run over to your house, boil your kettle and jump on the couch ready to spill some absolutely boiling gossip. Adds “so that’s tea” or “can you believe” to the end of every sentence. Says exactly what everyone’s thinking, even if it hurts… You know who you are, Crystal. We hate you, but we love you.
Joe. Hogs all the space during movie time. Has no concept of personal space. Loves hi-5’s, even when they aren’t warranted. DO YOU EVER READ SOCIAL CUES, JOE? Goddamn.
Sue. Loves a nap. Don’t we all? Sue, you’re relatable and a speaker for the people. A true pioneer. J’adore.
Speaking of couch mates, we ran a lil’ competition giving away 5 x $500 Fantastic Furniture gift cards to those with the all-time best couch-mate stories. There were some absolute crackers – here are some of the winning responses:
“Once after a party an Irish exchange student woke up on our couch and stayed for six months. The only time I’d see him leave was on payday to go grab his scotch and a pack of winnie blues. Great guy, charismatic.” – Zoe Everist
“My gassy greyhound Abby, evicting everyone else from the room. Unfortunately not a one time incident.” – Jessica Ferguson
“My partner did a 4 season Geordie Shore marathon on our couch and hurt his back from not moving so badly he couldn’t walk for 2 weeks.” – Rachael Steel
Huge mood. If you’re feeling inspired by all this loungin’, head on over to Fantastic Furniture for more couch inspo. Happy sprawling, friend.Image: Instagram / @victoriabeckham