The Canadian arm of IKEA has unveiled a set of one-off loveseats to mark pride month, and in doing so it unleashed upon the world the most threatening piece of furniture ever conceived: the bisexual couch.
There are couches to celebrate a bunch of different identities, including a Two-Spirit couch, an asexual couch and a pansexual couch. The non-binary couch is adorned with some kind of chic harness, while the progress flag couch is covered in rainbow-coloured flowers.
The bisexual couch, meanwhile, is plastered with creepy-looking hands and the words: “When you change ‘or’ to ‘and’, nobody believes you.”
So why the fuck did the bisexual couch end up looking like some kind of nightmarish booby trap concocted deep within the lair of some biphobic supervillain? Do people really want to be reminded of bi erasure every time you they to kick back and unwind in their lounge room?
Naturally, the internet has some opinions.
therapist: the bisexual ikea couch isn't real it can't hurt you
the bisexual ikea couch: pic.twitter.com/0FVbP14Qsp
— alex (@alex_abads) June 29, 2021
I am haunted by the bisexual ikea couch pic.twitter.com/PxqS51HHV3
— Jared Pechacek (@vandroidhelsing) June 29, 2021
did they just turn bisexual trauma into a COUCH pic.twitter.com/64tPVJDqC3
— molly ✨ (@DoSomeMolly) June 29, 2021
i am going to shoot the bisexual couch with a gun https://t.co/DR6DGydURQ
— rax ‘preorder TACKY ????’ king (@RaxKingIsDead) June 29, 2021
Some people also considered the practical implications of having such a ghoulish piece of furniture in your own home.
Me trying to give head on the Bisexual Couch https://t.co/ZQRWHRrG2z
— ???????????????????? (@Devon_OnEarth) June 29, 2021
if you go home with him and he doesn’t have the NOBODY BELIEVES YOU bisexual couch do not fuck him https://t.co/dRGcaBRFr5
— michael wave (@SzMarsupial) June 29, 2021
Dressing up as the NOBODY BELIEVES YOU bisexual couch for Halloween pic.twitter.com/oDsoO3uEJF
— Christian (@LivChristianLiv) June 29, 2021
Whereas others mocked up own interpretations of the theme.
Bisexual couch, limited edition Mitski version pic.twitter.com/h8eplpUbcV
— Tom Bellino (@tombellino) June 29, 2021
ok i saved bisexuality pic.twitter.com/jHcM0i4SR3
— Keano Raubun ⚡ (@xArcky) June 29, 2021
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) June 29, 2021
Eventually, the artist behind the couch, Brian Lanigan, hopped on Twitter to set the record straight.
“The line ‘when you change ‘or’ to ‘and’, nobody believes you’ is from a poem I wrote in high school about bisexual erasure I experienced from an ex-partner and others,” Lanigan wrote.
“I’m a spoken word poet and the hands are meant to represent the audience reaction, especially those of other bisexual folks who would approach me after performances and share their story with me.”
So there you have it, the spooky bisexual couch actually has a very powerful underlying meaning. You can watch Lanigan preform the poet as a teenager here.
Hey everyone, I’d love to explain the NOBODY BELIEVES YOU love seat! The line “when you change ‘or’ to ‘and’, nobody believes you” is from a poem I wrote in high school about bisexual erasure I experienced from an ex-partner and others.
— bisexual couch guy brian (@braino_drano) June 29, 2021