Do you ever just feel like you’re missing that special something that makes your house into a ~home~? Is that thing perhaps a candle scented like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina?
Well if it is, today is your lucky day because Gwyneth’s beloved Goop store is slinging “This Smells Like My Vagina” candles for a measly $108. Honestly, that’s a small price to pay for the opportunity to have your home smelling like the vageen of Pepper Potts herself.
As a self-confessed Goopaholic, I peruse the endless pages of detoxifying powders and overpriced vitamins on a regular basis. To be quite honest, the new Goop Netflix series was the absolute highlight of my week. But the vagina candle is by-far my favourite thing I have ever encountered on the Goop website.
The Goopiest motherfucker on the planet has truly outdone herself this time, and to be quite honest, I’m quietly living for it.
The candle started as an inside joke between Gwynny herself and her perfumer Douglas Little. Basically, the pair were trying to come up with a new fragrance, but Little accidentally developed a scent that caused Paltrow to blurt out “uhhh… this smells like my vagina.”
After some tweaking, the resulting candle is described as a “funny, gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected scent”, which is a whole bunch of interesting adjectives to describe a middle-aged woman’s vaginal aroma.
The candle features “a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot and cedar”, which is “juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed.”
Paltrow is no stranger to talking about her vagina. She’s previously revealed her interest in vaginal steaming, organic yam lube (yes, the stuff from Grace & Frankie) and let’s not forget the jade eggs. The woman loves talking about her vagina.
I’m no fragrance expert, but according to the Goop website, the company did a “test run” of the candle at a recent Goop Health summit and it sold out instantly. The people, they go absolutely bonkers for the vagina candle.
Honestly, I don’t blame them. This beautiful candle looks like those super expensive candles you see at your local homewares store that has some sort of inspirational quote like “Girlboss in progress”, “Seize the fucking day”, “Eat the rich” or whatever the fuck they say.
The point is, these candles look boujee and stylish and I definitely contemplated dropping $108 plus an exuberant shipping fee on this literal vagina candle.
A six-episode series on Gwyneth and all of her Goopy minions is set to launch on Netflix on January 24, entitled The Goop Lab. This is the vagina-scented candle making insight we’ve all been waiting for.
Stick a fucking jade egg in me, I am done.Image: GOOP