Yesterday, for whatever reason, Justin Bieber decided to open up the Twitter app and challenge Tom Cruise to a fight. We will never know the series of thoughts that led to this decision, all we know is that Bieber came to the conclusion that he simply must engage in hand-to-hand mixed martial art combat with Cruise in the octagon.
I wanna challenge Tom Cruise to fight in the octagon. Tom if you dont take this fight your scared and you will never live it down. Who is willing to put on the fight? @danawhite ?
— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) June 10, 2019
Trendsetter that he is, he sparked a number of other high profile celebrity challenges. Conor McGregor, after offering to host the Bieber vs Cruise match, singled out Mark Wahlberg as a celebrity that he would like to be given the opportunity to smack the tar out of.
I challenge Mark Walhberg on the very same card.
Back when mark wahlberg was marky mark, I’d’ve still slapped the ears off him and took my ufc shares back.#Shares #Streams #Dazn #Espn
McGregor Sports and Entertainment
— Conor McGregor (@TheNotoriousMMA) June 10, 2019
Brent Spiner (who you might know as Data from Star Trek: TNG or as the weird scientist guy from Independence Day) decided to make his bout in the octagon one with Angela Lansbury:
I would like to challenge Angela Lansbury to fight me in the octagon! If you back down, Angela, you are scared. And everyone will know it! Who will put up the money for this?!!!
— Brent Spiner (@BrentSpiner) June 10, 2019
Only to have his challenge intercepted by Dick Van Dyke, who I just discovered is very much still alive:
I will defend the honor of Dame Lansbury for free!! The pier at the sundown!! Be there, if you dare!!
— Dick Van Dyke (@iammrvandy) June 10, 2019
But probably the most striking of these is the one that global treasure Sam Neill received, largely because it came from an actual UFC fighter:
Justin Bieber is 25, Tom Cruise is 56.
Challenge an actor 31 years older than you to a fight. I’ll go first…@TwoPaddocks are super rad and I love your movies, and due for an ass beating. Name the place. #JustinBieberisApatheticTwat #beibersucks #idiot pic.twitter.com/jAYXtZeXrL
— Tim Kennedy (@TimKennedyMMA) June 11, 2019
He is, of course, joking to make a point (but he also believes that waterboarding is not a form of torture, so who knows). Neill received the challenge in the spirit in which it was given, suggesting that he might need to be somewhat highly-armed to go head-to-head with a professional mixed martial artist and special forces soldier:
Um . Okay Tim. I might need a week or two training , if you can wait .
[ And a bazooka ] https://t.co/jblyU7d5Lt
— Sam Neill (@TwoPaddocks) June 11, 2019
The internet: a mistake? Who knows.