It is a brand new week of The Bachelor and will it ever end!?? I feel like I’ve been watching this series since some time early last year.
It’s #TheBachelorAU time again, because somehow this season is still going? (But hometowns are next week? How has it gone so slow and so fast all at once?) pic.twitter.com/FgZYt4U8GX
— Jodi McAlister (@JodiMcA) September 19, 2018
#TheBachelorAU top 8 tonight.
Time to find who will get the all-important week off in the lead up to the big dance. 5th v 8th is shaping up as a cracking match for me, 2nd v 3rd obviously has all the makings of a classic based off their end of season form
— Edwin Smith (@edwin_smith1) September 19, 2018
Osher turns up to do the girls’ maths for them – eight women are left, which means time is tight.
The girls call @oshergunsberg ‘Osh’.
Easy way to find ‘Ms right’ is to wait and see which one calls him
OshKosh b’Gosh.
That’s the kind of girl I’d want to hang with.#TheBachelorAU— Higgo (@Higgo74) September 19, 2018
Brooke: “Time is precious.”
Cass – and all the other women tbh (“the crowd goes wild“, such hugs, wow) – are incredibly happy she nabbed a single date, finally, because now she can stop mentioning she hasn’t been on one. That’s Emily‘s one-liner now.
In case you’ve missed it: Until tonight, Cass has not yet had a single date. She’s kept that to herself the entire series.#TheBachelorAU
— Ladbrokes.com.au (@ladbrokescomau) September 19, 2018
Its taken 22 girls to leave before Cass gets a date and honestly if that doesn’t say something I don’t know what does #TheBachelorAU
— Allison (@infiniteallien) September 19, 2018
The fact their all cheering that she’s going to get a solo date with a man they’re all trying to nail still blows my mind. Even after all these years. #thebachelorau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) September 19, 2018
Cue: “Today has been a long time coming… I have put my heart on the line.”
“She’s been very patient” aka the producers wanted to prolong Cassie’s forced “psycho-ness” for as long as possible by not giving her any genuine screen time #thebachelorau
— geeta. ✨ (@bored_ignored) September 19, 2018
nick: she’s been very patient
aka: he’s tried to see how serious she is by keeping her hanging #TheBachelorAU
— taryn | inej ghafa worshipper (@thereafter) September 19, 2018
While the public is unsurprised by this date, some of us are incredibly happy for our poor, sweet girl.
https://twitter.com/michdockery/status/1042346687279194113
I can’t believe I’m tweeting about the bachelor. Cass looks so happy, my heart is melting #thebachelorau
— Bailey Lewis (@Baileyjlewis) September 19, 2018
Cass casually applies Blistex over her lipstick while waiting for Honey Badger to turn up in a school bus (???) because she is a child (???).
I don’t know what is sadder, Cass or thr blatant Blistex product placement#TheBachelorAU
— Daniel Zennon (@dzennon) September 19, 2018
https://twitter.com/bloodyauspol/status/1042347342744084480
The Gods of soft lips strike again with their specific ad placement 😂
Thanks Blistex.#TheBachelorAU— Tess (@tess_sebastian) September 19, 2018
Badge swings Cass around a lot like a littler sister, and they go to an empty Wet’n’Wild, which mostly sounds expensive, but also again, seems like a good idea because she’s a child (???). They play “silly billies” and jump and click their heels together like you and that guy you dated when you were 15 and thought you were so funny and quirky.
I have some questions about this date: did they tell her she needed to bring tiny swimmers with her?
https://twitter.com/ameliabarnes/status/1042353488976502785
https://twitter.com/IHateLentilSoup/status/1042348627354574848
I don’t think I’ve heard Cass say 1 bad word about any of the other girls in the house and I really respect that. Also, water park is definitley the best date so far. I’d be spewing if I was that girl who had to go fishing 🙅🏼♀️ #TheBachelorAU
— Jessica Seaborn (@Jessica_Seaborn) September 19, 2018
They decide to go on the ride where you get pulled like 20 feet into the air and then you’re dropped and swing, except it’s the two of you lying down doing that and you have to pull a cord to drop, and it sounds awful, and not wet at all.
Cass is “bogging it“, freaking out about this weird arse non-water ride, but Badge is “packing it” also. They’re swearing like any normal person who does not like heights would, and she’s clutching his bicep like a character in a 50s movie walking beside a gentleman in the rain.
When I inevitably become a bachelor contestant I’m going to tell them I’m deathly afraid of eating green curry and being on the ground #TheBachelorAu
— kate 🐙🐌 (@hardboiledkate) September 19, 2018
Anyway, they’re just kinda in the sky and it seems horrifying, and he pulls his cord and nothing happens. Cue the most terrifying line from the previews, “If we die, at least we die together.” Some real The Smiths‘ shit there, Cass, except without the double decker buses/ten-tonne trucks, but all the youthful naivety of a couple in their late teens who think they could Romeo and Juliet out of this world.
#TheBachelorAU Nick could have taken Cass to a funeral and it would still be the best date of her life
— S.B (@SurfdogTV) September 19, 2018
It’s at this point someone should remind them both that someone once dropped to their death on one of those swings. Not at Wet & Wild mind you#TheBachelorAU
— Higgo (@Higgo74) September 19, 2018
Back in my day we used to just say “You’re dropped”. We didn’t have to float up to great heights with the one we were sick of and literally be dropped 1000 feet to end our relationship #thebachelorau
— Tasmania Calling (@yumtors) September 19, 2018
If Cass doesn’t get a fucking three-course dinner + champagne and a nice pash after this horrific business, she should set fire to the mansion. #TheBachelorAU
— Nic Carrington-Sima (@NicCarrington) September 19, 2018
It’s fine, ultimately her cord works fine – and it was all just a ploy from Honey Badger, the tricky cunt, to make her be brave or some shit. Screaming, flying through the air in an arc.
“We didn’t die and we just kept flying and it was amazing,” Cass gushes. She quickly figures out Badge’s dastardly plan, to which he replies: “Either way you fell for it, hurr hurr hurr.”
Time to actually do water park activities, without lining up! They “get wet“, they’re “goin’ wild“, they’re having a laff; “It’s been a dream having Nick to myself.”
On the last ride they “manage to get into all sots of positions“, which feels sorta sexual, until, we get “I’m pretty sure he was on top of me at one stage” – not for the first time, the national suspects.
Honey Badger: “Can we turn the water down a bit on this slide?”
Slide operator: “There is no water on this slide……..
Cass: 😌#TheBachelorAU— Dylan Alcott (@DylanAlcott) September 19, 2018
New outfit for champers on a couch in very shallow water. Cass demands he say how he really feels, so he flatters her like he’s about to dump her, before giving her a rose and talking about their connection. Time for a snog!
You GO Cass honey you make him say what you are! #TheBachelorAu pic.twitter.com/1yViUp2F3Z
— Eliza Barr (@ElizaJBarr) September 19, 2018
Respect to Cass for saying to Nick what I would send in a drunk text #TheBachelorAU
— Tahlea Aualiitia (@taliaualiitia) September 19, 2018
When Cass (eventually) doesn’t get a rose, it’s going to be like watching a baby seal get clubbed. #TheBachelorAU
— Julie (@dootsiez) September 19, 2018
All the girls go on a big group date to play in mud and it sounds awful.
BROOKE WEARING AN INDIGENOUS FLAG SHIRT ON #THEBACHELORAU I LOVE IT pic.twitter.com/4M3X8l1LCb
— Alex Bruce-Smith (@alexbrucesmith) September 19, 2018
It’s a big muddy, muddy obstacle course, with Jamie-Lee skipping out on its horrors because of her moonboot. The girls get to spend a day proving how cool and chill they are to a boy by finding obstacle courses SO FUN! (It does not look fun.)
It’s mostly walking through water with big backpacks that are symbols of their emotional baggage. They climb things, get stuck in mud, carry bamboo rods around, they have to do teamwork things, it’s horrible and I hate it.
Also Cummins isn’t willing to ask for help and it’s a whole thing about him not being able to connect emotionally.
https://twitter.com/MissRubyRed1977/status/1042359547271143424
Omg did no one seriously think to call them Bach-packs? c’mon guys #TheBachelorAU
— Bachelor of Hearts Podcast 🌹 (@BOHpod) September 19, 2018
Is Nick trying to kill all the women one by one with these date activities #TheBachelorAU
— jennybr5 (@jennybr5) September 19, 2018
All this obstacle course is telling me about relationships is that they are messy, tiring and not worth messing up your hair over #TheBachelorAU
— Tahlea Aualiitia (@taliaualiitia) September 19, 2018
#TheBachelorAU that group date is worse then every single PE lesson I had in combination over the entire course of highschool
— Dame Kittness (@SoftKittyWarm) September 19, 2018
My emotional baggage: My complete refusal to take part in an obstacle course on a date 🤷🏻♀️ #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/isAXUDVo00
— Stacey 💙 (@heartofgold81) September 19, 2018
I feel like this obstacle course is like the lessons George Bluth & the one armed man give his kids on Arrested Development. Carry 15kg thru mud … AND that is why you always communicate. #TheBachelorAU
— FiFi (@fifis_thoughts) September 19, 2018
Dasha and Badge have one-on-one time and its unbearably awkward. She does make a joke about “getting wet and dirty”, because The Bachelor is nothing without sexual tension.
Do they reuse the same couch and cheese platter for every single date? #TheBachelorAU
— pip murdoch (@pipmurdoch1) September 19, 2018
https://twitter.com/beginaus/status/1042362467832094722
https://twitter.com/sodaandpeeps/status/1042363712827318272
No cocktail party so we’re jumping straight to the ROSE CEREMONY! Bye Jamie-Lee. While she says her goodbyes, Bachie does a casual lean. What a thrill ride *yawns*. At least we have the tweets.
Until tomorrow, ya lovelorn dreamers.
