First question: how come Ali Oetjen, the Bachelorette, only gets 18 suitors vying for her affection, when Honey Badger had 25?
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Do less dudes apply for The Bachelorette? Maybe Oetjen narrowed her age range – from HB’s very broad 23 to 34 age bracket, which effectively guarantees the young and pure Cass Wood gets brutally crushed on national television – to dudes in their late 20s/early 30s?
This disparity in options is not even a new thing for The Bachelor/Bachelorette. You know how many beaus our OG Bachelorette Sam Frost had to pick from? 14.
On the first, second and fourth seasons of The Bachelor, Tim Robards, Blake Garvey and Richie Strahan had 25 chicks each to chuck a rose to.
Meanwhile, Georgia Love had 18 handsome men wooing her, and Sophie Monk a record 22, including a man who was shockingly in his 40s – which is STILL not the same as the blokes.
Well, Monk’s haul is the same as Matty J, and one more than Sam Wood, but STILL.
Surely there’s more than 18 dudes willing to give up their lives for a few months to hang out in a mansion doing a lot of bro-hugging/very masculine back-patting, flirting over a few cheeky schooners, and occasionally outpouring all their real and genuine emotions and ambitions for love to a pretty near-stranger.
Take this guy who on the very first night just unloaded all his romantic hopes and dreams on Oetjen: “I want the house and the white picket fence. and I want the kids, and I wanna settle down.”
Too much, too soon.
Probably not wise to go this intense right away, when Oetjen – third place on the first season of The Bachelor, who split from American Grant Kemp before Bachelor in Paradise even aired earlier this year – says in the first few seconds of this clip: “What I’ve learned about love is to take it slower. The old Ali would’ve fallen in love with the first person that gets out of that car.”
And another thing, really, did the token ‘funny’ contestant have to turn up with a pouch made out of kangaroo scrotum? Really?
Less gross gimmicks next time please, high school boy.
Here, have some more blatant gimmicks.
This guy’s got a giant bear I assume he won for Ali Oetjen shooting hoops at a fairground or something.
Gimme a piggy back ride!
Remember how Georgia Love’s true love Lee Elliott turned up with a donkey? This guy’s ripping that move.
Baaaaaad idea, dude.
Where tf did this bloke get a full suit of armour?
The exact type of dude who will 100% call Ali “Mi lady“.
There was also a dude on a segway and another with a soccer ball, one guy who picks her up and carries her off which is maybe supposed to be manly (???), a guy does a very jerky dance, and just one guy with real long luscious hair. If it’s the producer’s helping set up these gags/wooing techniques, you’d be pisssssssed if you turned up with nothing, right?
In the clip we were also gifted with a new maybe ocker, maybe just 2018’s “Cool bananas“, catchphrase, “Holy moly guacamole.”
Very polite, but if I’d just seen a bloke as handsome as she makes out I’d probably just drop some swears and do a little drool.
There you go, there’s the Bachelorette hopefuls, but the question remains: why aren’t there more of them?
To make what could be an incredibly boring season shorter? A lack of interest? Too many crazies applying? A much smaller age range?
WE JUST DON’T KNOW.
