Never Fear, Australians, You Can Now Buy Toilet Paper From Facebook Marketplace For Just $1000

Earlier today, we reported that Australian shoppers were clearing supermarket shelves of toilet paper and other essentials amidst growing fears of coronavirus (Covid-19). A few hours on, and many are still metaphorically shitting themselves.

I’m pleased to report that #ToiletPaper is now trending nationwide on Twitter, with punters continuing to share their many, many images of vacant toilet paper shelves.

Following the news that toilet paper was scarce in supermarkets around Australia, there now comes hope – some have taken to Facebook Marketplace and Gumtree to sell rolls at super, dooper reasonable prices.

More bargains!

At this point, I deem it necessary to note that 1 Aussie has passed away from the coronavirus – although one fatality is unfortunate, something tells me it’s not enough to spark panic buying across the country and result in a nationwide shortage of toot paper. ‘Tis now time to free yourself from the poo-ridden shackles of your fears, take a plunge(r) and try to not clear each supermarket of every toilet roll, in my humble opinion.

“There’s no reason to go out and panic buy, you know, the almost bunker level materials at this present time,” Dr Tony Bartone, president of the Australian Medical Association, told ABC Melbourne yesterday. Guess no one listened.